Words of Life

I'm a writer. One of the things they tell writers in books about writing and at conferences is that you need to develop a thick skin. You need to be able to take criticism in all of its many forms. Your thick skin will allow some of what your critics say bounce off, not allowing them to take root.

And with good cause. Because some people don't think before they speak. Their words don't speak of truth, they aren't helpful, inspiring, necessary, or kind. They just hurt.

They condemn. They tear down, destroy, destruct. And most of the time, it's because those people are so damaged inside that the only way they feel good is when they're certain others don't. They feel elevated, better than thou, holier than thou. When in reality, they've blinded themselves to the truth of their own bitterness and heartache.

As Christians, it is our call to love others with the love of Jesus. Because Jesus did not come into the world to condemn us. He didn't come waving a "holier than thou" banner over our heads, setting up expectations that would never be achievable. No. He came to serve. To love. To heal. To speak truth. To set captives free. So that the world, through Him, might be saved. He laid down His life for all of humanity.

It's up to us to accept His gift of salvation.

And it's up to those of us who have to set examples for others, so they don't need to be thick-skinned and insensitive, unable to receive truth.

So this Resurrection season, let's THINK before we speak.

Is it TRUE? Does it line up with the Word of God? Would Jesus say something like that? Or is it just your emotional trauma speaking in the moment? If it is, hold your tongue. If it will bring life to the hearer, then by all means, share it.

Is it HELPFUL? Is what you're about to say going to further the recipient's walk with God or draw them to Jesus? Or is it going to drive them away from not only God but you too? Will you hinder their walk and become a stumbling block? Or are you going to encourage them. Be aware that some people don't need to be fixed; they need to be graced.

Is it INSPIRING? Will your words draw out the creator in them? Will they challenge them in a healthy way? Will they push them toward their dreams? Encourage the hope that is within them? Or will they crush the joy the person is struggling to hold onto? Be aware that there is power in the tongue. It can lead someone to life or it can kill their spirit.

Is it NECESSARY? Must you say it? Or could you just keep quiet? Proverbs 10:19 reminds us, "In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise."

Is it KIND? Jesus taught us the Golden Rule, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). If you wouldn't receive what you're about to say as kind, don't give it away. Allow the law of kindness to reside on your tongue. Remember that tone matters, as well as the words. It's easy to say something that would be perceived as kind in a tone that says it isn't.

Remember, Jesus came to bring us to salvation, not condemnation. The world would be a much more pleasant place if we chose to consider others and how our words will impact their hearts instead of running at the lips. Love someone today. Speak an encouraging or kind word to them. Be the light Jesus called you to be.

Thoughtful Words - Generational Words

Praise the Lord, God has moved in the hearts of my children. Over the past month and a half, all three of my sons and my daughter have given their hearts to God and said the sinners prayer of salvation. What a testimony to God's goodness!

For years I've been feeding them scriptures, taking them to church, praying with them, praying over them, telling them God's truth as we dealt with situations, sharing my heart for Jesus with them. I've watched them struggle with their own images and with each other. I've disciplined them. I've cried with them. I've laughed with them. I've taught them right from wrong. And the cycle went on and on and on. And I found myself wondering if they'd ever really get it. If they'd ever really receive Jesus as their Savior and begin to live their lives for Him.

While I was away, visiting and ministering to a friend, I received a phone call from home. "Ezra received the baptism of the Holy Spirit while he was at camp. He's talking in tongues."

My mother's heart skipped five beats, melted and rejoiced all at the same time.

"He laid his hands on Caleb, and now Caleb's speaking in tongues."

Triple beat skip, melt, rejoice.

"Hannah just said the prayer of salvation and asked Jesus to come into her heart so she can be saved. She wants to go to heaven when she dies. She also wants to get baptized. And Gideon said the prayer, too."

What?!!? My whole family is saved? Thank You, Jesus!

Why? Because God is merciful and good and knows the desires of our hearts. When we, as parents (whether biologically or spiritually), pour our love for the Lord into our children, we are speaking generational words. We are pouring God's truths and moral goodness into the next generation.

"A posterity shall serve Him. 
 It will be recounted of the Lord to the next generation,
 They will come and declare His righteousness to a people who will be born,
 That He has done this." - Psalm 22:30-31

I know from experience that my children may stumble, fall, get back up or fail to get back up as the years go by. However, I also know that they've been touched in a place they weren't touched before, which makes the difference.

I also take comfort in knowing this truth:

"So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it."- Isaiah 55:11

God has chosen my children. He knew them before I ever dreamed of them. What He has spoken into their hearts shall not return void. He will accomplish what He pleases in their lives. He will cause His word to prosper in their hearts. They will do what He has called them to do.

Just as you and I will. Just as the next generation will. So long as we wave the banner of Jesus Christ over the lives of our children, grandchildren and future generations, God will move in their lives in ways we can't even imagine.

What are you speaking to the next generation? Do you have generational vision for the kingdom of God? You don't have to have biological children to have generational vision. Pray for our future and the future of our children. Find someone to mentor spiritually. And trust God to do His will in His perfect timing.

Generational Photo of Hugo and Victor Morales with Zachary, Ezra, Caleb, Hannah, and Gideon. Taken in 2005. 

Thoughtful Words - Compromising Words

"Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.’ But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God’s throne;  nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black. But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." - Matthew 5:33-37

About a year ago, I realized I'd said I'd do a bunch of stuff that I never followed through on. Whether I promised God, my family or my neighbor, I recognized my lack of adequate planning, desire or ability to complete the tasks I'd set out to do. This bothered me. It brought feelings of inadequacy and depression upon my heart. I needed to make some changes.

God's word tells us not to make an oath, to say we're going to absolutely, for sure do something. We should never swear on our mother's grave (or by heaven, earth or Jerusalem) that we will see it through, that we will be there for someone, that we will get 'er done. Because things happen in life that are beyond our control. These things tend to get in the way of whatever our heart and mind was set on accomplishing. Then our word becomes nothing to those we've promised the world.

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this compromise. Peter did the same. 

In Matthew 26, we find Jesus partaking of the Last Supper with His disciples. He's already mentioned that Judas would betray Him. Then, He tells the disciples, "All of you will be made to stumble because of Me this night, for it is written: ‘I will strike the Shepherd, And the sheep of the flock will be scattered (v. 31).'"

Peter immediately responds without thinking, "Even if all are made to stumble because of You, I will never be made to stumble(v. 33)."

To which Jesus replies, "Assuredly, I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times (v.34)."

Again, Peter doesn't weigh his words. He says, "Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You! (v. 35)"

A few years ago, God asked me to consider my faith. It's a word that has stayed in my heart for a long time. I believe it will remain with me until the day I die. It's a simple question, and a timely one, considering the age we're living in. He simply asked, "Will you stand for me?" Of course, my heart immediately jumped to say Yes! However, my wisdom said, "Lord, will I be able to stand for You? Will my faith endure? Will I find my strength in You when I face times of tribulation?" Because I want to say Yes. But I acknowledge I am only human. And if Peter, the rock upon whom Jesus built His church, denied Jesus three times at the time of His crucifixion, who am I to say I'll be able to stand? Uncompromising in my faith? Unwavering before the cross of my day?

"It is a snare for a man to devote rashly something as holy,And afterward to reconsider his vows." - Proverbs 20:25

When we promise to do something and then neglect to get it done, our words are compromised. Our intentions are compromised. Our integrity is compromised. Rather than being seen as someone dependable, people begin to say, "You can't count on her."

I don't want to be seen as undependable. I don't want to vow to do something and then neglect to do so. I'm a Christian, standing on my faith in God. If I promise to do something for someone and neglect to follow through, I not only compromise my own image, I compromise the image of God, in whose image I am created. I must remember Who I represent. I must learn to let my Yes be Yes and my No, No.

Which means I must change. I must set my boundaries in life, manage my time and learn to use the word No when I am already inundated with things to do. I must prioritize and stick with my priorities.

How about you? Are you making compromises? Or are you able to say Yes and mean it?

Photo Courtesy of Gary Scott

Thoughtful Words - Idol Words

Do the words of others haunt you at night? Do they repeat themselves in your head over and over? Do you feel like crying as negative words are whispered in your imagination?

Have you made those words into an idol?

*gasp* Yes, that is a tough thought.

How about the flip side? Do you crave to hear that you are awesome? That you are loved? That you are the best thing since sliced bread (excuse the cliche)?

Although we should be told we're loved and be appreciated and respected and honored, if we depend on that to make us feel good about ourselves, we could be idolizing those types of words, as well.

Rather than looking to human beings to define our worth, we should be turning to God and His word for the definition of who we are. People make mistakes. God doesn't. People can't always tame their tongue. God knows exactly what to say and when to say it to bring correction or affirmation. People are imperfect. God is perfect. His thoughts are unfathomably higher than ours.

So why all the stinkin' thinkin'? Because we want to feel valued and loved by those around us. Even those who don't seem to like us.

When those negative voices try to take over our minds and chide us all day, we need to take them captive to the things of Christ. 

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (emphasis mine)

Our weapons are spiritual in nature. We have the power of God dwelling within us. We are capable of pulling down the strongholds that try to seize our thoughts. We are capable of using the Lord's words to cast down arguments and every high thing, those things that exalt themselves above God's word. We need to bring our thoughts before the throne and into submission to the One who created us in His image.

Because God loves us. He knows who we are at the depths of our spirit and soul. He didn't create us to succumb to the image others see of us. He created us in His image.  

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. - Romans 8:28-30

Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. - 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

If this is true, then why do we continue to carve out our image in the negative words others say to us or the lack of words from those we desire to hear them from?

You shall not make idols for yourselves; neither a carved image nor a sacred pillar shall you rear up for yourselves; nor shall you set up an engraved stone in your land, to bow down to it; for I am the LORD your God. - Leviticus 26:1

 We need to remove those images from our minds and hearts and seek God's word for His image of us. Today.

Photo Courtesy of Dreamtwist

Thoughtful Words - Words of Unbelief

Sometimes things happen that we, as simple human beings, cannot fathom or understand. These are mysterious to most, understandable by few. Usually they're painful. Sometimes they're joyful. They happen to many or to few. They leave us speechless or ready to unleash our verbal fury for all to hear or read.

Such it is when someone walks into a movie theater or a school or any other place and opens fire with automatic weapons, shotguns, or pistols. Not knowing what to do with this evil, we seek someone to blame. Rather than place blame where it belongs, we blame God, the guns, the parents, the schools, and society in general. 

Taking it one step farther, when someone says something about how good God is, we then blame them, usually the victim of such a crime, for believing there's still an ounce of goodness in this evil world.

We speak our words of angst and feel better for having someone to take them out on. Rather than hold our tongues and let the matter settle out.

Several people, including myself, have been blessed and encouraged to read the thoughts of Marie, who took her daughters to see The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado. She threw herself over her younger daughter as James Holmes opened fire in the theater. Her faith in God and her courage to maintain her faith in the midst of crisis is incredible. Her faith has come under the fire of some "refuse-to-believers" who can't fathom a perfect God who allows such things to happen in life. Here's a brief example of these types of words:

I don’t like hearing people say that god has a plan for everyone... So god's plan for all those who died were to be killed in a shooting?

I’m sorry, but I’ve weathered enough adversity in my life to abandon the thought of God ever helping me out or offering me liberation.

My heart breaks for these people. Their words are filled with pain and disappointment. Hope lost. 

And they don't understand God. Maybe they wanted to once, but their posts say they've decided He can't be all that good to allow these things to happen in life.

Have you ever faced disappointment? Has your hope waned in the face of trials, tribulations and evil times? Have your words been words of unbelief?

Peter spoke words of unbelief. Three times he denied the Christ he'd followed for many years. Another man had a child who lived under the oppression of a mute spirit. He brought his child to Jesus, who challenged him. The man responded, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"

I'd say it's natural to doubt our faith when it comes time to face the realities of the evil in our lives. But let us not waver in unbelief. Let us remember the God we serve, who is merciful, just, and loves us even in our sin.

Was it God's plan for the twelve to die at the hands of a gunman? No.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  - Jeremiah 29:11

So why does God allow these evil things to happen in life? Why does He allow people to die at the hands of others? Or to take their own lives? He doesn't.

Show me a place in the Bible where someone brought their sick child/relative/friend/self to Jesus and asked for healing and He turned them away. You can't, because He didn't. He came to preach the Gospel, heal the brokenhearted, proclaim liberty to the captives, give the blind sight, set at liberty those who are oppressed, and declare the year of the Lord. He came to give us life in abundance. Anyone who asks in faith receives this gift.

And those who died with a solid faith in Jesus Christ are not dead. They live in full abundance and perfection in heaven with their Savior. They have not died in vain. They've left behind a legacy of faith.

The problem is, many have chosen to deny that faith. They've chosen not to believe God is who He says He is. They've chosen death rather than life. They've chosen the evil things of this world over the goodness of God. They've selected to opt out.

God isn't a puppet master, pulling our strings. He gave us a will. He gave us the ability to make choices. And we do. Each one of us is in control of our lives. The question is, do we allow ourselves to choose evil or good? 

Many choose evil. That's why people walk into schools, movie theaters, post offices, churches, and people's homes and violate their right to an abundant life by opening fire with guns and bombs and more. This is not God's choice or His plan. This is a human's choice to take out their trauma on someone else. 

Personally, I feel that some people choose to doubt God's goodness, because if they recognized it, they'd have to face things in themselves and their own lives they'd rather avoid. Because it causes too much pain to do so. Because it would require a change. Because it's easier to ignore it. Because goodness frightens them. Because they've never known goodness before. Not in its True form.

Rather than blame God, the gun, the parents, or the victims of tragedy, think about the person who pulled the trigger or raped the child or simply fell short of the mark. Wonder why they did what they did. What heartache or tragedy touched their life to such a severe measure they'd take it out on the world? Say a prayer for them. Say a prayer for their family. Say a prayer for the victims. 

And acknowledge that God isn't the root of evil. Nor does He allow it. That's why Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Evil, the Israelites had to wander an extra 40 years in the desert, and Satan is doomed to Hell.

 

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. - James 5:16

Choose to bring light with your words in this dark time. 

Photos Courtesy of Roberto V. and Alexander Kalina 

Toughtful Words - Parental Words

"I wish you'd never been born."

"Peter wasn't part of our plan."

"Shut up!"

"Go away!"

Have your parents ever said these words to you? To a sibling? Are they ingrained in your heart? Do they resound in your head?

Do you say them to your own kids?

These are words that wound a child for life. Tender hearts can't filter ambiguous meaning. They don't understand that Mommy is tired and doesn't want to hear the same list of what they want for their birthday ten times a day. They don't understand that "wasn't part of our plan" translates to "blessed surprise." No parent should ever tell a child they wish they'd never been born.

As a parent, I must select my words with wisdom. I constantly have to remind myself that my tongue holds the power of blessing and cursing. 

Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things out not to be so. - James 3:10

I've found that with my oldest son, I can't tell him he did something stupid, because he automatically translates that to mean I am stupid.

My middle son, Caleb, is like my German Shorthaired Pointer. He needs to be occupied and active, or something inside of him snaps, and he turns into a mischief maker. Many times I've caught myself saying something along the lines of, "Quit being a pain." Or, when talking with another adult, "Caleb's my difficult one." Notice the curse? Every time I speak those negative words over my son, I am pulling down a curse over him. He will become a pain, difficult, trouble.

On the other hand, when I think about my words before they fall out of my mouth, I can bless my children. "You're smart." "You're talented." "You are such a princess." "You are so handsome in that suit." "You can do anything you set your mind and heart to do."

Or, to say it biblically:

The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace. - Numbers 6:24-26

After all, we are raising children of God. Who are His before they were ours.

If you've ever had curses spoken over your life by your own parents, please know that God loves you. He created you in His image. He gave you life. He wants you. He loves you.

Here are a few things He says about you:

He formed your inward parts. He covered you in your mother's womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. His works (you) are marvelous. - Psalm 139:13-14

You are the apple of His eye. - Psalm 17:8

He knows the thoughts He thinks toward you. Thoughts of peace, not of evil. To give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

The Scriptures are filled with plenty more. Go on a treasure hunt. If you're a mother, do it with your kids. Find out what God says about His children. Mine the gold. Seek the precious. And find words of blessing to speak over yourself and your children.

Thoughtful Words - Spousal Words

There have been times in my marriage when Victor has said something to me, and I've wanted to give him a fat lip. His intentions were to encourage me to change my ways, but his method fell short of its result.

Have you ever noticed that the ones we love the most tend to be the ones who hurt us the most? Why is that?

My husband irritates once in awhile. I weary of picking up his dirty socks, washing his dishes every day, listening to the drone of his video game theme song, and hearing him talk loudly yell during a regular conversation.

I know he wearies of my imperfections too. My muttering loud enough for everyone to hear how frustrating it is to have to repeat myself twenty times and still find "people" not doing what I've requested. My looming deadlines and the need to work after hours, rather than scratch his head. My consistent requests for him to keep the kids and the dog out of my space so I can finish a project. 

We both have our imperfections. We come with plenty of baggage and a few faults. We both have logs in our eyes.

We tend to see one another as common, rather than remember we are sons and daughters of the King of Kings.

Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. - Hebrews 10:29-31

We and our spouses have been sanctified by the blood of Jesus. We have a covenant relationship with God. How can we treat our spouses as some commoner, when he or she is a child of God? In doing so, we insult the Spirit of grace. And we fall into the hands of the living God.

I know I've become the unjust judge of my husband on more than one occasion, and I know he's done the same to me. I know I've jumped to conclusions, rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt. I know he's done the same to me. The Lord says that vengeance is His. Not ours. He is the One who will judge our spouses according to what they have done and said and us according to what we've done and said.

How do we overcome our spouse's hurtful words and our temptation to continue in our judgmental attitudes?

Remember: Jesus is the only One who can change our spouse. We can beg and plead and try to love them into being someone else, but God holds the power to change their hearts. It's better to focus on our own faults and allow God to change us. It's selfish to think our spouse needs to change and we don't. Avoid selfishness. Let God work on your heart first. Let Him deal with your spouse.

We all know where our faults lie. Only Jesus knows the intent of our heart better than we do. Despite what we may think, we don't know the intents of our spouse's hearts. We don't know what drives them to do the things they do or say the things they say. Rather than assuming we do, we should ask them. Quit accusing one another. Start supporting one another.

Rather than pointing our the negative things in each others' lives, point out the positive things. Instead of tearing one another down, build each other up. 

We need Jesus to be the center of our marriage. When we focus on Him, we can see our spouse through His eyes. In doing so, we see the positive far outweighs the negative. For that we can be thankful. And that thankfulness will be reflected in the words we say to our husband or wife. 

Let your words bring life to your spouse. Stop killing them with your words. 

Photo of Far From Love Courtesy of  Enver Uçarer
Photo of Kiss Courtesy of Mike Lawrey

Thoughtful Words

Sometimes the Holy Spirit brings something to our attention that needs addressing. When this happens, we have to switch gears and follow His lead. In light of this, I am going to digress from the blessings of God and focus on what He is saying this week.

Yesterday, someone spoke hurtful words in my direction. Someone close to me. Someone I should be able to trust with my heart. Someone who should know better than to say things to wound me. Someone who should strive to build me up, not fill my world with strife.

Which started my thought process. 

So many times, I counsel women who have been torn down by the words of others. Their self-esteem is shot. They think negative thoughts about themselves and life. Their words reflect the damage done to their heart. Some suffer from severe depression. Some are physically afflicted from the bondage of their internal agony.

I also think of bullying when I consider the harm words can do. We often think of bullying as being pushed around. We have images of Ralphie running from Scut Farkus. It may lead up to physical contact, but my experience is that bullying begins with words. The words are manipulative and work to bind someone in a spirit of fear.

Remember the adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" It's a lie. Flat out. Sticks and stones will break our bones, and harmful words will destroy our innermost being.

I'd like to follow the Lord's leading and take a look at words and the harm they can do to others. I'd also like to discuss how we can overcome those negative words and thought patterns others have poured into our hearts. Invite your friends to join us. I pray God uses this to bring healing to many, just as He brings healing to me each time I take those negative thoughts captive and give them to Jesus. Join me tomorrow for our first Thoughtful Words post. 

Photo Courtesy of Maja Pi

Revisting ~ Proverbs 17 ~ Shut Up!

Photo Courtesy of Vivek Chugh

"He who has knowledge spares his words,

And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.

Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace;

When he shuts his lips, he is considered perspective."

~ Proverbs 17:27-28

"You need to share something." Vic prodded me with his elbow as we sat in Wednesday night class at church. 

I shrugged and shook my head. I didn't have anything to add to the conversation. Everything I might have said had been said already. I wasn't hearing anything in my spirit. I had nothing to say.

I understand my husband's point. The Word tells us to be ready in season and out of season. (2 Timothy 4:2)

But I've also learned that it is far better to keep my mouth shut than to speak when I have nothing important or edifying to say. I'd rather be considered wise than to open my mouth just to say something and end up sounding like a fool. 

Or worse, doing more harm than good. Proverbs 10:19 says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise." It's better to keep my mouth shut and glean from others than to open it wide and say something ridiculous.

It applies at home, too. It's better for me to shut up and stop responding, defending, or getting offensive when my husband and I are in a heated disagreement than it is to continue speaking. After all, "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1) Our discussions take a turn toward unity when I refuse to argue anymore. (Marital Tip: When one of you wins an argument, neither of you wins. Because someone loses. Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100% of both of you.)

Over the years I have found that keeping my mouth shut allows me the opportunity to listen to and learn from others. Sometimes I gain more wisdom. Sometimes I recognize what I don't want to be like. 

How about you? Do you enjoy gleaning from others' wisdom by keeping your mouth from over-talking? Or do you like to add to the conversation at all times? It's a challenging quest, I know... 

Revisiting ~ Proverbs 15 ~ Your Tongue is on Fire!

Photo Copyright 2010 Alycia W. Morales

"A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,

But perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

~ Proverbs 15:4

Our words, which fall off our tongues, can either build someone up or tear someone down. The tone we take implies our sincerity or our deceit. We must watch what we say and how we say it.

Husbands and wives have a tendency to hurt one another more than any other person in the world could. Our intimacy sometimes gives us unwarranted liberty to push each others' buttons in ways we'd never allow someone else to. Try to say something against my husband or child, and I'll render you speechless, for sure.

Yet we allow ourselves to do what we'd allow no one else to. Why is that?

Because we know each others' weaknesses better than anyone else...

Our tongues can be a tree of life to our spouses, children, and others. Or they can break their spirits.

Observe:

I recently found myself counseling a dear friend of mine concerning the hurtful words of her husband. Reflecting on my own husband's occasional hurtful words, I realized something. My friend made the comment, "He says I put a wall up." I thought about that wall. It comes up anytime I'm falsely accused. I then had a revelation, which I shared with her. 

It's not a wall. It's my shield of faith. I've raised it in front of my heart to protect me from the fiery darts of the enemy. For I don't war against flesh and blood. My husband's just the messenger. It's his tongue the enemy has chosen to use to fire his darts from. He's believed some lie and forgotten how God sees me at the time. His words are critical, spiteful, or hurtful. Do I blame him? No. I raise my shield of faith and deflect the darts with God's Word and His love for me. 

Jesus heard the enemy through his disciples, those twelve men who were closest to Him. In Matthew 16:22, Peter took Jesus aside to tell Him He should not suffer and die on the cross for our sins. Jesus' response was, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men." 

I can imagine Peter's response by the look on my husband's face when I say, "Hon. I love you, but you're listening to the lies of the enemy right now, and I won't hear them. I'm putting up my shield of faith right now, because your words are hurtful and will harm my heart."

The next time someone tries to tell you something you know isn't true about yourself, hold up your shield of faith. They may see it as a wall, but you and God will know you're protecting yourself from the perverseness being spouted in your direction. 

Don't forget to rejoice when the tongue of your loved one begins to spout words of life!

Proverbs 17 - Shut Up

"He who has knowledge spares his words,

And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.

Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace;

When he shuts his lips, he is considered perspective."

~ Proverbs 17:27-28

"You need to share something." Vic prodded me with his elbow as we sat in Wednesday night class at church. 

I shrugged and shook my head. I didn't have anything to add to the conversation. Everything I might have said had been said already. I wasn't hearing anything in my spirit. I had nothing to say.

I understand my husband's point. The Word tells us to be ready in season and out of season. (2 Timothy 4:2)

But I've also learned that it is far better to keep my mouth shut than to speak when I have nothing important or edifying to say. I'd rather be considered wise than to open my mouth just to say something and end up sounding like a fool. 

Or worse, doing more harm than good. Proverbs 10:19 says, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise." It's better to keep my mouth shut and glean from others than to open it wide and say something ridiculous.

 

It applies at home, too. It's better for me to shut up and stop responding, defending, or getting offensive when my husband and I are in a heated disagreement than it is to continue speaking. After all, "A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1) Our discussions take a turn toward unity when I refuse to argue anymore. (Marital Tip: When one of you wins an argument, neither of you wins. Because someone loses. Marriage isn't 50/50. It's 100% of both of you.)

Over the years I have found that keeping my mouth shut allows me the opportunity to learn from others. Sometimes I gain more wisdom. Sometimes I recognize what I don't want to be like. 

How about you? Do you enjoy gleaning from others' wisdom by keeping your mouth from over-talking? Or do you like to add to the conversation at all times? It's a challenging quest, I know... 

Photo Courtesy of Vivek Chugh 

Proverbs 15 - Your Tongue is on Fire

"A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,

But perverseness in it breaks the spirit."

~ Proverbs 15:4

I know I've spoken a lot about the tongue this week, but it is such an important topic. And it applies in all areas of life - at home, with people close to us, at work, with people who hardly know us or complete strangers.

Our words, which fall off our tongues, can either build someone up or tear someone down. The tone we take implies our sincerity or our deceit. We must watch what we say and how we say it.

Husbands and wives have a tendency to hurt one another more than any other person in the world could. Our intimacy sometimes gives us unwarranted liberty to push each others' buttons in ways we'd never allow someone else to. Try to say something against my husband or child, and I'll render you speechless, for sure.

Yet we allow ourselves to do what we'd allow no one else to. Why is that?

Because we know each others' weaknesses better than anyone else...

Our tongues can be a tree of life to our spouses, children, and others. Or they can break their spirits.

Observe:

I recently found myself giving counsel to a dear friend of mine concerning the hurtful words of her husband. Reflecting on my own husband's occasional hurtful words, I realized something. My friend made the comment, "He says I put a wall up." I thought about that wall. It comes up anytime I'm falsely accused. I then had a revelation, which I shared with her. 

It's not a wall. It's my shield of faith. I've raised it in front of my heart to protect me from the fiery darts of the enemy. For I don't war against flesh and blood. My husband's just the messenger. It's his tongue the enemy has chosen to use to fire his darts from. He's believed some lie and forgotten how God sees me at the time. His words are critical, spiteful, or hurtful. Do I blame him? No. I raise my shield of faith and deflect the darts with God's Word and His love for me. 

Jesus heard the enemy through his disciples, those twelve men who were closest to Him. In Matthew 16:22, Peter took Jesus aside to tell Him He should not suffer and die on the cross for our sins. Jesus' response was, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men." 

I can imagine Peter's response by the look on my husband's face when I say, "Hon. I love you, but you're listening to the lies of the enemy right now, and I won't hear them. I'm putting up my shield of faith right now, because your words are hurtful and will harm my heart."

The next time someone tries to tell you something you know isn't true about yourself, hold up your shield of faith. They may see it as a wall, but you and God will know you're protecting yourself from the perverseness being spouted in your direction. 

Don't forget to rejoice when the tongue of your loved one begins to spout words of life!

Photo Copyright 2010 Alycia W. Morales