Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Thoughtful Words - Spousal Words

There have been times in my marriage when Victor has said something to me, and I've wanted to give him a fat lip. His intentions were to encourage me to change my ways, but his method fell short of its result.

Have you ever noticed that the ones we love the most tend to be the ones who hurt us the most? Why is that?

My husband irritates once in awhile. I weary of picking up his dirty socks, washing his dishes every day, listening to the drone of his video game theme song, and hearing him talk loudly yell during a regular conversation.

I know he wearies of my imperfections too. My muttering loud enough for everyone to hear how frustrating it is to have to repeat myself twenty times and still find "people" not doing what I've requested. My looming deadlines and the need to work after hours, rather than scratch his head. My consistent requests for him to keep the kids and the dog out of my space so I can finish a project. 

We both have our imperfections. We come with plenty of baggage and a few faults. We both have logs in our eyes.

We tend to see one another as common, rather than remember we are sons and daughters of the King of Kings.
Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. - Hebrews 10:29-31
We and our spouses have been sanctified by the blood of Jesus. We have a covenant relationship with God. How can we treat our spouses as some commoner, when he or she is a child of God? In doing so, we insult the Spirit of grace. And we fall into the hands of the living God.

I know I've become the unjust judge of my husband on more than one occasion, and I know he's done the same to me. I know I've jumped to conclusions, rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt. I know he's done the same to me. The Lord says that vengeance is His. Not ours. He is the One who will judge our spouses according to what they have done and said and us according to what we've done and said.

How do we overcome our spouse's hurtful words and our temptation to continue in our judgmental attitudes?

Remember: Jesus is the only One who can change our spouse. We can beg and plead and try to love them into being someone else, but God holds the power to change their hearts. It's better to focus on our own faults and allow God to change us. It's selfish to think our spouse needs to change and we don't. Avoid selfishness. Let God work on your heart first. Let Him deal with your spouse.

We all know where our faults lie. Only Jesus knows the intent of our heart better than we do. Despite what we may think, we don't know the intents of our spouse's hearts. We don't know what drives them to do the things they do or say the things they say. Rather than assuming we do, we should ask them. Quit accusing one another. Start supporting one another.

Rather than pointing our the negative things in each others' lives, point out the positive things. Instead of tearing one another down, build each other up. 

We need Jesus to be the center of our marriage. When we focus on Him, we can see our spouse through His eyes. In doing so, we see the positive far outweighs the negative. For that we can be thankful. And that thankfulness will be reflected in the words we say to our husband or wife. 

Let your words bring life to your spouse. Stop killing them with your words. 

Photo of Far From Love Courtesy of  Enver U├žarer
Photo of Kiss Courtesy of Mike Lawrey


  1. Wise words, my friend! Thanks for sharing!

  2. Kristi's right - wise words that encourage us.
    Thanks for being so transparent, Alycia.

  3. Love the way you call us all to Higher ground, friend. Thanks for this reminder about the power of the tongue!

  4. I am right there in the boat with you ladies. ;) You're welcome, and I so appreciate your encouragement, too!

  5. Great advice, Alycia. Many marriages could be saved if everyone took your message to heart. :-)

  6. Hello Alycia. Here's my response to your post:

    {S}pouses Being Thoughtful.

    I hope you don't mind me tagging you in my post! =D

  7. Thanks for the reminder, Alycia. It's too easy to let the little things get to us and mess up what is most important...our relationships.

  8. Great post Alycia! We forget so easily that we—as a family—are a team. We all strive for the same goals. We want each other to be's one of those things I need to write on the back of my eyelids as a constant reminder ;)


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