Tell Me How Great I Am

Photo Courtesy of Dorota Kaszczyszyn

I love hearing nice words said about me. I love hearing my children sing my praises. I love hearing my husband talk me up to his co-workers. I love hearing my friends thank me for my love and counsel. I love hearing my readers applaud my recent blog post. 

Don't you? 

Most ordinary people thrive on the praises of others. It lifts us up, encourages us and brings health to our souls.

No one likes to be put down, after all.

But what do we do with criticism, correction and the like?

Hannah is nine. I can whisper for her to please go take a shower because her hair is greasy from the day's activity, and she will act like I crushed her heart. "You're mean," tends to be her response.

I'm a writer. There's a term in this industry and most writers are required to have it (or are encouraged to develop it, if they don't). It's called tough skin. Without it, you might not make it in this business. Because criticism is part of the nature of the beast.

"He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward
 Than he who flatters with the tongue."
 - Proverbs 28:23

I'll never forget the day my parents decided to kick me out of their house. At the age of twenty-two, I felt rather entitled to my life and my freedom. I was an adult, after all. How dare they try to tell me how to live my life?

When I refused to follow their house rules, they deemed it necessary to confront me and drag me off to the pastor's house. Where his very bold, Italian wife decided to tell me how it is. Red-faced and rather loudly, she pointed her finger directly in my face and told me, "Satan made you kill your baby." That's all of the one-sided conversation I remember, because I postured myself behind my self-built brick wall of rebellion and isolation and refused to hear any more of her so-called wisdom.

Her tongue certainly wasn't flattering that day. And I hated her for it.

Flash forward thirteen years later. A group of women in leadership sit encircled in our pastor's living room, his dear wife in our midst. We go around the room, giving one another a word of encouragement and praise. Each lady gets her turn to hear what her fellow leaders love about her. "Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth." - Proverbs 27:2 We are practicing this verse. We are building one another up. 

It becomes my turn to listen. I receive several compliments and encouraging words. My ears tingle with the joy of hearing I'm growing into a woman of God. My pastor's wife smiles at me. "Alycia, do you know what I love about you? No matter how many times I come at you with a baseball bat, you keep coming back for more." This is her way of telling me I have a teachable spirit and am not afraid of correction or criticism. I learn from it. Continually.

The woman who rebuked me has my favor. The woman who yelled in my face with the flush of correction loves me. The woman who isn't afraid to tell it to me straight has my attention.

But I can't remember anyone who flattered me with their lips, their tongue flapping in the breeze. If I do remember the person, I've long forgotten their words and never applied them to my heart.

How about you? Do you prefer flattery or rebuke? Has God's word changed your perspective today?   

Checking My Pulse

Photo Copyright 2011 Alycia W. Morales

I spent the weekend at a women's conference in Myrtle Beach, SC. I enjoyed a time of refreshing at the beach, listening to the ocean, and recognizing how vast God is. 

Just when I think I know Him, He shows me another side of His glory. Just when I think I've seen everything there is to see on the beach, something new washes ashore. Just when I think I've got life all figured out, God reveals another facet, and I have to stop to examine myself in His reflection.

My pastor's wife and I were walking down the beach, discussing the conference and the weekend. As we looked at the variety of seashells washed ashore, I offered recommendations as to how the conference could improve. It always brings me a time of refreshing, but this year I found myself wanting more. And getting tired of two hours of worship each session. And wishing they'd put a time frame on the speaker's message. And wishing they'd ask the speakers to join the music ministry so we could actually hear a word during their time of speaking ministry. Instead of worshiping some more.

Do I dislike worship? Absolutely not. I love worship. I understand that I am created to worship. I understand that worship brings me into a place of intimacy with the Lord.

However, I can worship anytime, anyplace. And when I attend a conference, I want to hear the word of God. I want to receive a message just for me. I want a spiritual refreshing. I want to hear a speaker. And I wasn't getting that this time. Last year, yes. This year, not so much. 

I could hear the disappointment in my voice as I proclaimed my ideas on how they could improve their conference. And then it hit me. 

"Am I too critical?" I asked her.

"Yes."

And I quieted my heart, my mind, and my mouth. And we kept walking in silence. Sometimes, a friend will be honest and tell you something about yourself you might not want to hear. I know mine did. And I love her for it. And I've been considering what she said ever since. Because God spoke more to me through her in one short minute than He did through the speakers the entire weekend. 

I've asked Him to reveal if I have a critical spirit, or if I have an innate talent to see what is lacking and can be improved. Do I criticize people? Or am I critical of things? Are my expectations too high? Am I putting my own agenda above His? These are all things I'm considering and will continue to think about until He reveals the answers. And I will try my hardest not to be critical of others, because a critical spirit leaves no room for mercy.

In the meantime, I'll also try not to be too critical of myself. Which is what I am. I recognize my own deficits and continually try to improve, but beat myself up when I don't. Or when I slack off. Or when I know I need to do something, but I just don't feel up to it today... 

Which leads me to you, my readers. I've been analyzing why I write and what I want to accomplish with my writing. My top goal in writing is to minister to the hearts of women. I want to write about life issues we all deal with. I want my readers to walk away with a knowledge that you are not alone; other people are experiencing the same issues, emotions, shortcomings, accomplishments, life... I want to draw you closer to God. I want you to be comfortable with yourself as He created you. I want to encourage you with my words, not drag you down or shun you. So, what are you dealing with today? What would you like to hear about? What do you need? What questions do you have that you'd like answered? Because it isn't all about me. It's about Jesus, and it's about you. That's why I write. Please leave your answers in the comments below. I'd love to hear your hearts! And thank you for following me as I follow hard after Him.