When the World Hits Home

The world hits home. It happens. No matter how hard we parents try to protect our children, cover them, keep them safe, the devil finds a way to wiggle his way in and steal a piece of our children.

The doubts roll in. Is God really watching over His children?
We try to seize control. What more can I do to keep them safe?
We question our worth. Have I failed as a mother?
We get angry. How dare the enemy attack my child?
We wonder if we can trust our child to do what's right the next time. Is her/his faith strong enough to withstand the temptation?

We toss and turn at night. We mourn. We weep. We are heartbroken.

But that's not God's plan for His children.

Unless the Lord builds the house, 
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To sit up late,
To eat the bread of sorrows;
For so He gives His beloved sleep. (Psalm 127:1-2)

God's plan is for us to do the following:

Allow Him to build the house. God knows everything that is ever going to happen to our children. We live in a sinful world, and every one of us has a sin nature. There is an enemy who prowls the earth like a lion, seeking who he may destroy. The devil wants our children as much as he wants us.

As parents, it's up to us to train our children in the way they should go. In other words, it's up to us to teach them God's ways. We need to teach them to read His word on a daily basis, to pray, to live a life according to His will for us. We also need to rest assured that God will build them up on His Rock.

We need to trust that no matter what mistakes our children make or what tactics the enemy uses against them, God will heal them, use what was meant for evil for His good, and see our children through.

Sleep. Don't get up early or go to bed late because you're busy worrying about your children. That's not accomplishing anything other than wearing you out. God promises His beloved sleep. Peaceful sleep.

Be still and know that He is God. He has it all under control.

Bad things happen to good people, just like good things happen to bad people. It's part of life. Thankfully for those of us who believe that Jesus is the Son of God, we have a peace that passes all of our earthly understanding. We have a Comforter who knows every groaning of our spirit man, every longing of our heart, and every need.

Rest in Him. Sleep. Restore your energy so that you can face whatever tomorrow brings.

And trust God to take care of your children. They are, after all, a heritage from Him. The fruit of our wombs is a reward. Hand your children back over to the God who created them and trust Him to complete the work He has started in them.

Toughtful Words - Parental Words

"I wish you'd never been born."

"Peter wasn't part of our plan."

"Shut up!"

"Go away!"

Have your parents ever said these words to you? To a sibling? Are they ingrained in your heart? Do they resound in your head?

Do you say them to your own kids?

These are words that wound a child for life. Tender hearts can't filter ambiguous meaning. They don't understand that Mommy is tired and doesn't want to hear the same list of what they want for their birthday ten times a day. They don't understand that "wasn't part of our plan" translates to "blessed surprise." No parent should ever tell a child they wish they'd never been born.

As a parent, I must select my words with wisdom. I constantly have to remind myself that my tongue holds the power of blessing and cursing. 

Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things out not to be so. - James 3:10

I've found that with my oldest son, I can't tell him he did something stupid, because he automatically translates that to mean I am stupid.

My middle son, Caleb, is like my German Shorthaired Pointer. He needs to be occupied and active, or something inside of him snaps, and he turns into a mischief maker. Many times I've caught myself saying something along the lines of, "Quit being a pain." Or, when talking with another adult, "Caleb's my difficult one." Notice the curse? Every time I speak those negative words over my son, I am pulling down a curse over him. He will become a pain, difficult, trouble.

On the other hand, when I think about my words before they fall out of my mouth, I can bless my children. "You're smart." "You're talented." "You are such a princess." "You are so handsome in that suit." "You can do anything you set your mind and heart to do."

Or, to say it biblically:

The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace. - Numbers 6:24-26

After all, we are raising children of God. Who are His before they were ours.

If you've ever had curses spoken over your life by your own parents, please know that God loves you. He created you in His image. He gave you life. He wants you. He loves you.

Here are a few things He says about you:

He formed your inward parts. He covered you in your mother's womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. His works (you) are marvelous. - Psalm 139:13-14

You are the apple of His eye. - Psalm 17:8

He knows the thoughts He thinks toward you. Thoughts of peace, not of evil. To give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11

The Scriptures are filled with plenty more. Go on a treasure hunt. If you're a mother, do it with your kids. Find out what God says about His children. Mine the gold. Seek the precious. And find words of blessing to speak over yourself and your children.

The Importance of Imitation

Photo Copyright 2010 Alycia W. Morales

People always tell me my children look just like their dad. Occasionally, I'll hear that my daughter looks just like me. What amazes me is how much our children look just like us, with their own unique traits.

The similarities don't stop there. They continue deep into their DNA. They reflect our attitudes, our behaviors, and our vocal tones. Of course, they have their own versions of these, but it always amazes me when I hear something I've repeatedly said fly out of my child's mouth, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

1 Corinthians 11:1 says, "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ." 

I have to confess.  I don't always imitate Christ. Some days I lose my patience before I've had my first cup of coffee, and it only gets uglier from there. I yell. I scream. I've even been known to call one of my blessings a name in the midst of my frustration. I lose control. I try to demand respect, and yet I act like I've stooped to their childish levels. If I looked in the mirror, I'd see a ten-year-old me looking back, not a loving mother of four.

Last night, after a very long two days, I pulled out the Word of God and sat my children down in the living room.  My son had spent two days screaming in anger at anyone and everyone who got in his way, didn't give him his way, or took his privileges away. My daughter cried every time I brought correction, whether verbal or the threatened spoon. "I feel like you hate me." Because I told her to stop running in the house.

I've gone through the Proverbs and highlighted all that pertain to children in blue. It makes them quick to pull out when I've exhausted my last breath trying to persuade my children they need to behave and have respect for one another and me.

With them sitting quietly on the couches, I stood before them with the Word of God in my hand. I began to read to them from the Proverbs, reminding them of God's command to honor and obey their parents in order for them to have long life in abundance. I reminded them that foolish children ignore their father's commands and the law of their mother. I reminded them the the righteous will bring joy to their parents, particularly their mother. I reminded them that correction means I love them. If I didn't, I would never correct them. I would not want to see them grow in the things of the Lord and learn to have self-control. I reminded my daughter that God corrects the ones He loves, and He promises that using a rod will drive foolishness far from children, protecting them from further harm. And - added bonus - it won't kill them, but will provide the discipline necessary to enjoy a long, abundant life.

I will probably still have to repeat myself twenty times a day. I will most likely still have to bring correction on a quarter-hourly basis. I will have to remind them to say, "Yes Ma'am," so I know they've heard and understood my instruction. And, I may have to pull out the spoon as a reminder of my undying love for them. 

At the same time, God speaks to me, reminding me of my need to imitate Him. To walk in love when they refuse to follow God's command. To find the joy of the Lord in the midst of anger and strife. To bring peace to the chaos. To suffer long when I can't seem to find an ounce of patience left within me. To always have the law of kindness on my tongue. To offer goodness to my children when they walk in their badness. To remain faithful to God as an example to my children. To keep my word, not succumb to their whims. To be gentle, not the ugly green monster whose head rears up in stressful times. To maintain my own self-control when the kids can't seem to find theirs.

Because, after all, I, too am made in the image and likeness of my Father.

Why Worry?

We moms tend to worry a lot, don't we? We worry about our children. Will they grow up to love the Lord like we do? Will they pass their test this week? Will they be continually healthy? Will they go to college? Will they marry the right person? Will they produce grandchildren for us to dote on? Will they make good financial choices? Will they... and the list goes on.

After tossing in bed all night, we look in the mirror and see this:

Why do we put ourselves through all that? Do we trust God with our children, or not?

Psalm 127 is one of my favorites. I reads:

Unless the Lord builds the house,

They labor in vain who build it;

Unless the Lord guards the city,

The watchman stays awake in vain.

It is vain for you to rise up early,

To sit up late,

To eat the bread of sorrows;

For so He gives His beloved sleep.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,

So are the children of one's youth.

Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;

They shall not be ashamed,

But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

If God is first in our hearts and in our homes, there's no need to worry through the night. He is doing the work in us and in our kids. He is watching over our home. He is our guard. He guards our children. 

His word tells us not to stay up all hours of the night fretting over things. We are to sleep.

Our children are a heritage, a reward. God says they are like arrows in the hand of a warrior. We should be happy when our home is full of them. There is God-given power in parenting.

So why do we continue to wrestle our blankets and allow worry and fear to control our nights? We need to trust God that His plan and purpose for our children is good. That He has everything under control. That He will watch over them and guard them. Meanwhile, we need to sleep and sleep well.

"I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;

For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety."

~ Psalm 4:8

Photo Courtesy of Supreet Vaid

Go Ahead - Hit Me!

I arrived home from my appointment at the church to find my family watching Cheaper by the Dozen. As the final credits rolled, we discussed what we'd watch next. I mentioned Part Two, but my children had already chosen another of my favorite movies, Mr. Megorium's Wonder Emporium. We snuggled into the couch and began watching.

And then it hit me like a lightening bolt. It amazes me how God can use one scene in a movie to strike a chord in my heart.

It's the scene with Henry and Eric. I've embedded it so you can see it for yourself:

I'd just spent an hour with a friend of mine who's getting her Master's Degree in counseling. We were discussing the results of my personality test. The two topics we'd covered were control and affection. I'd volunteered the information that I struggle with showing my kids vast amounts of affection. 

There are, after all, four of them, all vying for my attention at the same time. At least most days. 

And they always want to do something. Right when I'm in the middle of working. Yep. Now the scene from the movie is making sense.

My usual response? "Give me five minutes to finish up." My friend lovingly pointed out to me that my children won't understand five minutes so you can have five hours.  

She recommended I put down my work for five minutes and meet their needs. Once the needs are met, they'll be more likely to leave me alone for five minutes - simply because they know I care more about them than my work.

So when this scene popped up on the screen, I dabbed my eyes. I can totally relate. And I totally need to overcome this area in my life. God knows I love my kids. And my job. All I need to do is find the balance.

So as I finish writing this post, it's nearing the time for me to pick them up from school. And I will not be going back to work until I've focused on them for awhile. I pray I see happier faces and lighter hearts! 

 

Photo Copyright 2010 Alycia W. Morales

I am rather busy this week. I've got the Kidsignment Sale coming up next week, which I volunteered to help and consign for. So closets and toy boxes are a top priority this week.

Which has inspired me to write this family-friendly closet post.
 
Wondering what to do with all those winter clothes that don't fit anymore or won't fit your growing sproutlette by next season?

Here are some ideas:

1. Trade with a friend or two or three. Have a Saturday afternoon play date. Let the kids run around outside in the spring weather while the ladies trade clothing. Trade adult clothes to update your spring wardrobes with new and free pieces. Trade kid clothes for next winter or this spring.

2. Donate to the Salvation Army, Good Will or the local thrift store. Have pieces your child never wore? Brand new conditions? Save them for a shoe box to donate to Samaritan's Purse Operation Christmas Child later this year.

3. Find a child in your son's or daughter's class who could use them. I remember getting ready to move to another state. I'd cleaned out the uniforms and was bringing them to the kids' school to donate. A lady and her two children were in front of the school discussing purchasing uniforms as I brought the bags from my car. Turns out, they fit her kids. We were moving out. They were moving in. She inherited the uniforms. 

What to do with all those toys? 

1. My children went through a phase of refusing to clean up their toys before bedtime. I warned them that I'd clean them out if they didn't clean up. They still refused. I went through their toy boxes while they went to school. When they came home, they were down to 25% of their toys. The rest were neatly packaged in 13-gallon totes. I donated them to a local home for women and children. My reasoning? Children who don't have much won't argue about cleaning their rooms at night. They'll do it and keep the toys.

2. Find a consignment sale to sell them in.

3. Have a yard sale. Let the kids sell their toys and take the money to get something new.

What are some ideas you have for getting those closets cleaned out? I look forward to hearing  your replies!

Guest Blogger - Glynnis Whitwer

This morning I would like to welcome Glynnis Whitwer to My Thoughtful Spot.
 

Glynnis Whitwer is on staff with Proverbs 31 Ministries as the Senior Editor of the P31 Woman magazine. She is one of the writers of Encouragement for Today, the Proverbs 31 e-mail devotions, with over 350,000 daily readers.  She is the author of When Your Child is Hurting, work@home: A Practical Guide for Women Who Want to Work from Home), and co-author of a Bible studies series entitled Kingdom Living.    Her next book will be released in 2011 and it titled, I Used to be So Organized.   

Glynnis, her husband Tod, and their five teenagers live in Glendale. Together they run two home based businesses, an Internet retailer (www.roselanecottage.com) and an environmental consulting firm.  Visit her blogs for more information:    

Glynnis Whitwer and Her Organized Life.

The Skill of Conversation

Every parent knows the frustration of asking a child, “How was your day?” Only to be answered, “Good.”  We may have heard that comes with the territory. I think it may have more to do with how the parent posed the question. 

       

Good conversation, even for adults, isn’t always easy.  Learning to ask carefully thought-out questions may take advance planning. We can even make it a game for the little ones.

      

Good conversation usually starts with small talk.  As adults we might talk about the weather, a television show, or an outfit someone is wearing.  In this stage, we practice polite rules of conversation, such as looking the other person in the eye, paying attention, and allowing her to respond without interrupting.  When speaking with someone who is polite and interested, we naturally want to continue.

      

We carry on small talk normally with our children, but we are often doing something else like fixing dinner, folding clothes, or driving.  To teach children these basic manners, try sitting down at a table over milk and cookies.  Practice eye contact, and affirming mannerisms, like nodding of the head and agreeing with the comment.

      

If there is a comfort level to continue, many conversations will lead into experiences, thoughts, and opinions.  Obviously, children will speak on very different topics, but the practical tips for carrying on a more significant conversation with another child can be very helpful to establish a friendship. Here are some helpful tools for talking with a friend:

Listen with your whole body.  Show your friend that you are paying attention by facing her, leaning forward in your seat and looking her in the eye.

Make a positive comment and follow it with a question.  Examples: “I love your outfit.  Where did you get it?”  “Dave, you’re great at soccer.  How long have you been playing?” 

Show genuine interest in your friend.  Ask about his life, family, likes, hobbies, and activities.  The point of most conversations is to learn about the other person.

Ask open-ended questions when possible:  Not:  Did you like the movie?  But:  What was your favorite part of the movie? 

Don’t disagree in the beginning of a friendship.  If your friend loved the part of the movie you disliked, don’t volunteer that information.  Keep the conversation positive.

It can be helpful to write out questions your child can use with friends.  Have her memorize them rather than pull out the 3”x5” card from her pocket on the playground.  You might write questions like this:

     - What did you do this weekend?

     - What’s your favorite sport to play?  Why?

     - What do you like best about school?

     - What’s your favorite thing to do on a Saturday morning?

     - What’s your favorite TV show?

     - Tell me about your family.

     - If you could decorate your room any way you want, what would you do?

     - What would your favorite dinner include?

     - If you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?

     - If you could give away $1,000, who would you give it to?

This article is taken from Glynnis’ book, “When Your Child is Hurting.”  It’s available through Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Glynnis, thank you for taking the time to share these tips with us today! I know I learned a lot from them!

Readers, please share with us any thoughts or ideas you may have to add to the topic of conversation skills and your comments for Mrs. Whitwer. Thanks for reading!

From the Overflow - Conversing with Children

The smell of coffee filled the cabin. Dad made a 12-cup pot that morning. 

"I don't care if you give the kids coffee this morning," I'd told him, "but you get to deal with them when they're bouncing off the walls from the caffeine buzz."

Having a cup of coffee with Mom and Dad opened up a world of conversation. Our four children, ages six through eleven, couldn't believe I would allow them to drink coffee like an adult. Kudo points for Dad!

Ezra's conversations no longer revolve around video games. Sure, we talk about a game he likes to play every now and then, but he's hit a conversation maturity point. He's a pre-teen. He wants to discuss more adult things, like making money, how to get along with others, and what's on the news. As his mother, I find joy in standing in the kitchen discussing something other than the XBOX and Star Wars games.

And then, there are his three younger siblings. 

Caleb loves getting away from his younger and older siblings. He dreams of being an only child, at times. My parents came to visit us and wanted to spend one day with each child, doing something they'd enjoy. Caleb took Grandpa and Grandma to the Air and Space Museum in Pensacola, FL. When my Mom and Dad walked through the door of our house at the end of the day, they breathed a sigh of relief. Dad chuckled and smiled. Mom explained, "He hasn't stopped talking since we got in the car to leave this morning. He's talked non-stop all day." I smiled. Yep. That's my boy! He has such a vivid imagination, he makes up stories. Once he's gained your ear, he'll tell you all sorts of things. One minute, he'll be telling a story about ninjas. The next, he'll be sharing information that may or may not be too personal. Then, he'll tell you about a science project he's working on. Caleb enjoys one-sided conversations.

Hannah asks 50 questions. I sat down with her to watch Secretariat last night. It came out on DVD yesterday, and I've been anxious to see it. She loves girlie movies and horse movies, so I thought it'd be great mommy-daughter time. Until about 5 minutes into the movie, when she asked, "Why are they all wearing black?" After I whispered, "That's what people wear to a funeral," she asked, "Did Grandpa Vance die or did Grandpa Johnson die?" I answered, "Great Grandpa Vance passed away, honey." And that lead her to another question. I finally told her she needed to stop asking questions and watch the movie. Until 10 minutes later, when she asked another question. It doesn't matter what we're doing, she's got a question about that or something else. On the way to school this morning, I explained to the children they would not be allowed to whine and complain any more. If they did, they would be sent to their rooms, because I will not allow them to bring the rest of the family down with them. They would have to be miserable alone. Hannah pipes up and asks, "What time are you coming to my class?" Completely off-topic and yet another question. Our conversation consists of her asking and me telling. 

Gideon doesn't converse much. When he does, it's usually about video games, something he's concerned about, or to ask a simple question, like, "Can I get a hug?"

As a parent, I've had to face blunt answers and no explanation. I've faced the "Why?" season with each child. I've enjoyed some real conversations, where my children talk about life and experiences and I've been able to respond with the same. And yet I still find myself wondering if I do well with conversations. I still struggle to find open-ended questions to ask in order to get them talking. 

And then, there are my conversations with God. He is so easy to talk to. He listens intently with open ears and love in His heart for me. He responds with gentleness and self-control. He whispers some answers and bellows others, but He always answers in love. Some days I need to be still in order to hear Him. Others, He'll answer in the midst of my ramblings. But He's always there, no matter how my day is going. I pray I can be the same for my children.

This Friday, join me to welcome another guest to My Thoughtful Spot. Glynnis Whitwer of Proverbs 31 Woman Ministries will be joining us with advice on how to help our children develop conversation skills. 

From the Overflow - Enduring the Bully

"If you're going to be her friend, you can't be mine." It's a line many girls have heard by the time they turn eight. It's the coy game little socialites play. It's the line average girls fall for, getting caught in the middle of their trap.

I moved into small town USA in the middle of third grade. Coming from a slightly larger town, I hoped to find myself accepted and making new friends by the end of the week. After two days of school and not a single, "Hello. Welcome," I started wondering about the kids I found myself surrounded by. 

By the end of the week, I realized my classmates already had their friends. I had little hope of making my way into their clique. Eight girls laughed and giggled as they took turns informing me I wouldn't be their friend if I hung out with so-and-so. I fell for it for two days before catching on to the fact that they would still be friends with each other whether I wanted to befriend them or not.

And then came the competition. At first it was over who had a crush on who. "You can't like him; I do." It grew from there to, "Watch me get him to go out with me while you wish you could get him to look your way." 

From there, the competition became evident in running for class or activity government positions. I remember wondering why my biggest rival had to work so hard to become the President of S.A.D.D. our senior year. I would have loved to win it, but it wasn't going to make or break my year. Although the competition was never verbalized, it was felt. I struggled within myself to figure out why she felt the need to compete with me for everything. She was popular. I was the average outcast. Honestly, I felt I didn't stand a chance and was shocked to find myself tied with her in the first round of voting. She won by one or two votes. Good for her! I held no beef.

The sun reflected off the sidewalk, warming my face as I headed uptown for a late lunch. I'd met with the recruiter from St. John Fisher College during my regular lunch break, so my English teacher gave me permission to skip out of class and get some lunch. As the bells began to ring, signaling the end of lunch period, the clique made their way back to the building. 

"Hey! Why are you such a *#?*@ ?" My thoughts of a new life in college were interrupted by the competitive voice. 

Really? She has to call me out now? What is this all about? I'd been minding my own business. I had no idea what she was talking about. "What are you talking about?" I really had no clue what she meant.

"You never talk to us. You ignore us. What's your problem?" 

Oh, that's classic. Maybe because anytime I have tried to talk to you in the past eight years, you've taken everything I ever said and twisted it, spreading wild rumors bearing no truth. Maybe because you have a bad habit of scoffing at others. Maybe because you like to turn your nose to the air and walk like you're the diva who can't be touched. I wanted to share my thoughts with her, but didn't. I simply did what I've always done. I kept walking, not going there with her. I wouldn't stoop that low.

Kids can be cruel. It's a statement we've heard over and over again. How do we help our own children cope with people like the ones mentioned above?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I heard my son repeat my childhood's mantra in the car one afternoon. I immediately jumped to discuss the false statement with him. 

"Words always hurt more than broken bones. Broken bones heal and the pain goes away. Words wound and take far longer to heal. Their scar is uglier than that of a broken bone. It affects our choices, our character, and can even lead to illness." 

Depression. It's something I suffered after years of verbal abuse from kids who could care less. It's something my parents didn't seem to recognize in me. I had to deal with it on my own, seeking help from a counselor while I was in college. I didn't want him to go through what I went through. I understood his pain.

"What does God say about you? People make mistakes. They sin. They say things they shouldn't. They don't take the time to get to know you. But God knows everything about you, and He doesn't make mistakes. He created you in His image and likeness. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Jesus loves you just as you are, and so do your father and I."

I hope that while he's still a child, my son recognizes his value and that he's loved. I hope that, as his mother, I will have the wisdom to continue helping him through the rough patches of being bullied and struggling with his self-esteem as he continues his school career. I pray that God will fill his heart with a joy and peace that only come from Him, helping him overcome the abuse of others. I wish I'd known Jesus all those years ago. I'm glad I have His inheritance to pass on to my children.

I Need More Friends

Ezra brought a form home from school last week. He wanted his father and I to approve his attendance in a socialization group at school. The guidance office had put together a group for kids who wanted to develop their friendship skills. And my son wanted to attend.

I found myself thinking proud thoughts of my son. He was taking initiative to overcome a problem spot in his character. He recognized his deficiency in an area and went about pursuing change. I admire his strength and courage.

"Mom, I want more friends. I want everyone in my class to like me." That's where it all began. 

Ezra has struggled with fitting in ever since we started moving with Vic's job. His sense of humor is odd. He's a little awkward when excited about something. He likes to hear himself talk, so he makes noises when he has nothing else to say. He has a compassionate spirit, which attracts bullies. He's sensitive, so everything hurts, and he needs a Band-aid for a scratch. Everything is a big deal to him. Because he cares.

I've tried encouraging him and feeding his need for acceptance, recognition, and companionship. I've pointed out how fearfully and wonderfully made he is, how great it is he cares for other people so much. I've pointed out that other kids may not see how good a friend he'd be. And I've fed him scriptures.

"A man who has friends must himself be friendly." Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV)

I thought back on my own childhood. The brunt of many jokes, I learned early in my life that friends were few and far between. Not everyone would like me. Not everyone would want to play what I wanted to play. Not everyone would treat me fairly. Not even close...

I tried explaining this to my son, who wants everyone in his class to like him and is taking measures to attempt making that a reality in his life. 

"We only have a few friends in life who stick closer than a brother, Ez. Not everyone will like us all the time. Friends will come. Friends will go. But there will always be a handful of friends who you'll keep in touch with forever. Five years may go by without a word, and then you'll talk for a day, and it'll be like you just spoke yesterday. It's these people who are your true friends. They're like family."

I know he gets it to some degree. He has a friend like that. His name's TJ. He sees him once or twice a year, but they've been best buds since toddler-hood. 

I have friends like that. Francesca, from college. Amanda, from childhood. Jeanne & Michelle, from "home." Mary, my new best friend. Years can go by without a word, but when we talk, it's like we spoke yesterday.

And then, there's Jesus. My best friend in the whole universe. He is there each and every moment of each and every day. His love never changes. I can talk to Him anytime. His friendship is irreplaceable, and He's closer than any brother or sister will ever be.

Who are your friends? Can you count them on one hand, like me and Ezra? Send them an encouraging note today, thanking them for their friendship. I'm sure it'll make their day!

From the Overflow - Proper Order in Our Homes

Ever wondered why your girlfriend seems to have it all together and you feel you don't? Her husband comes home for dinner every night, while yours stays to work late at the office. Her kids are always neat, clean, and obedient while yours run around with holes in their knees, screaming in their shrillest voices while you try to talk with the adults after church. She has a shiny, new Denali while you're still driving the Chrysler minivan you purchased when you had your second child, who is now in middle school. 

I've recently had multiple ladies come to me for wisdom concerning marriage and parenting. And with the start of a new year, I find myself wondering about financial matters, deeply desiring to be debt free before the end of 2012. 

What is my response? Nothing, at first. But after listening to them tell their stories, it usually boils down to one thing. 

Proper Order in the Home.

Many of us get so caught up in the day-to-day ordeals of life that we become like Martha - busy, busy, busy and worried about many things. We forget our deepest need to take time out and sit at Jesus' feet. 

We put our household chores, our childrens' must-have-it-now issues, and our husbands' come-look-at-this desires before the Lord. Rather than tithe our 10%, we spend it on groceries and throw it into the gas tank, blaming the rising costs of milk and oil for our lack.

But Mary chose the better part. She was a girl who had it together. She was the neighbor you wanted to trade places with, or ask a thousand questions to, or maybe even punch in the face. She put Jesus first, and everything else fell into place.

When we have right order in our homes, our relationships, and our finances, we have nothing to worry about. Jesus takes care of them all.

One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 6:33-34. 

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

God first. And He will add all the rest that we need. Don't worry about tomorrow. You have enough on your plate today.

As I'm typing this post, God is calling up 1 Peter 5:7... "casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."
As you take the time to sit at Jesus' feet, cast your worries on Him. He cares for you and will give you exactly what you need, in His perfect timing. 


What are you worried about today? Your marriage? Your childrens' well-being? Your grocery bill? How you'll put gas in the car this week? Take the time this morning to sit at Jesus' feet. Share your heart with Him. He is Jehovah Jireh, our Provider. Remember that as you face your cares today. And let Him do the rest...





 

~ Monday Musings ~

I took a much-needed Mommy break this past weekend and enjoyed a little over 24 hours away from my house (and the mess), my children (and the noise), and my hubby (who I missed). I desperately needed the break from the routine and my four walls. It refreshed me and gave me the right amount of time I needed to breathe, sleep, and enjoy the company of a best friend. 

Now that I'm refreshed, I get to have that conversation with my daughter, who at the ripe age of seven has been introduced (not by me or her dad) to topics I would have preferred she not hear about until she was at least five years older, if not when she graduates from college. It seems she's picking up concepts that are inappropriate for girls her age. Until I chat with her, I'm assuming they're coming from the playground. She doesn't get them from home; we monitor everything. I doubt she's getting them at church; the children's ministers monitor everything. She's only spent the night at three different friends' houses, all of whom have parents I trust with her life; I know she didn't hear it there. We shall see, and we shall set things right in her little thought life. Mommy isn't playing with this one.

My youngest got to spend the day home from school, as his eyes are all red and puffy. He's been scratching them since Saturday, which is when I left on my little excursion. When I told Daddy the doctor's diagnosis of an allergic reaction,  he said, "Oh no! He's been exposed to me!" I snickered and replied, "Maybe it was the lack of Mommy's presence he reacted to..."


And this is as far as my musings go for today. My children are as important to me as God's are to Him. When you think about God's love for you this week, consider your love for your own children (or your nieces and nephews, your neighbor's cute baby, or your best friend's child) and then multiply that times infinity. Now you have an idea of how much God loves you! Be blessed this week!

 

~ Monday Musings ~

Everything is A-Okay

God has truly blessed me with a fine husband. He loves the Lord with all of his heart. He is like a sponge when it comes to the Word of God. Squeeze him and it freely flows forth. We were on the phone today - he's been traveling this past weekend - when I made the comment, "Our children are in their typical form this afternoon." We'd just arrived home from school, and the bickering had already begun. As I busied myself getting the cookie dough orders from the truck while talking to my husband on my cell, a few slaps were thrown and names were called. Why can't they just get along? 

My husband's reply is what caught me off guard and reminded me where my thoughts should be. "The world is falling apart. You need to be thankful our kids are well and healthy." 

It struck a chord inside. He's right. My children are healthy. 

Caleebster was born nine years ago this past Friday. The day the medical staff was releasing him from the hospital, they informed me that he had a heart murmur. My husband hunted my grandfather's hill, two hundred miles away. My mother taught her first grade class and didn't finish until three o'clock that afternoon. My father flew to Texas for an EMT trade show. I was alone and had to make decisions that seemed overwhelming at the time. 

My heart aches today as I hear my nine-year-old throw a temper tantrum over video games, just as it did the day I left the hospital wondering how severe his heart issue was. Would it cause him to struggle and face death? Or, would God heal it and allow us many years with him and his laughter? The questions remain the same as we enter the pre-teen years. Will he heed the wisdom of his parents and learn obedience, allowing himself many years of walking with the Lord? Or will he continue to have heart issues that will lead him far from God's protective wing?

As I raise my children, I continually ask myself what I'm doing wrong. Why do they fight all the time? Why can't they treat each other the way they want to be treated? What am I doing wrong? What can I do differently? Why don't they seem to hear me when I speak?  

I suppose God sits in heaven, wondering the same thing. Why do they insist on fighting in wars? Why do they insist on getting divorced instead of working through the difficulties? Why do they mock me? Why do they disobey me and my Word? I desire only good things for them. I desire to see them in eternity. I desire to share my love with them, rather than my wrath.

Then I ponder the fact that my parents and God could tell me the truth, give me wisdom, and desire for me to make the right choices. But, it ultimately becomes my choice to make. Do I treat others with kindness? Do I choose to love, forgive, and have faith in God to see me through, guiding me in His paths? Or do I choose to carry grudges, despise others, and dismiss God altogether? I'm the only one who can make that choice for myself. No one else can do it for me.

It's the same for my children. I can read the Word, train them up in the way that they should go, and pray for God's divine intervention in their hearts. It then becomes their choice to obey, love, forgive, and live a life with God. When I doubt my parenting abilities because of their poor behaviors and bad attitudes, I have to ask if I've done all I can to train them up in the way they should go. If my answer is yes, then I can rest assured that the Father of all knows my heart's ache for my children. Rather than become frustrated and stuck on the worldly picture in front of me, I have to turn my focus to heavenly matters. I need to put my trust in God that my children will turn out to be the godly woman and men I pray for. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

~ Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

As Thanksgiving nears, I come before God with an attitude of thanksgiving. I am thankful that my son's hole in his heart healed and did not hinder. I am thankful that my four children are healthy, even when there are days they seem to be deaf to my voice. I know God's voice rings louder than my own. I trust Him to speak to their hearts. In the meantime, I'll continue praying for their futures and their hearts, teaching them the truths found in God's holy word, and doing my best to train them in the way they should go. Thank You, Jesus, for all You are, for all You do, and for completing me. I know that if I stick with You, everything will be a-okay.

~ Thursday Ten ~

Since it's the time of year when our children come home with a lot of candy,

here's my list of the ten things I look for in their bags... ;) 

(What mom doesn't enjoy partaking of their treats? 

We worked hard to get the kids into costumes and take them out to get the treats, right?)

1. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

2. Reese's Pieces

3. Hershey Chocolate Bars

4. Snickers

5. Milky Ways

6. Milk Duds

7. Nerds (a childhood favorite)

8. Sweet Tarts

9. Now and Laters

10. Tootsie Rolls

~Tuesday Tips~

Sometimes it's necessary to change the way we do things at home. Sometimes a schedule will work for awhile until a new activity shows up in our weekly schedule. Sometimes we get overloaded and our kids suffer for it (we do, too). Sometimes we need to step back and ask ourselves if everything in our schedule is bringing honor to God and good things to our home. Or do we need to become better stewards of our time? 
Setting kids up with a schedule (and ourselves, for that matter) allows for consistency in their daily lives. This may seem taboo to a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants planner, but that consistency brings stability to their otherwise chaotic lives. It brings a sense of peace to their day. They know what to expect (most days) and will adjust accordingly to the schedule put before them. Following is a list of tips or reasons as to why schedules are an important part of our daily life:
1. It teaches us time management. There are certain things we need to do every day. This is a great way to make certain it all gets done.
2. It teaches the importance of being on time. How many times has someone been late for something you were in charge of or leading? Don't they understand your time is precious? Americans have so much to do in 2010 that time is just as important as money or the air we breathe. Let's teach our children the importance of being on time as a courtesy to others. 
3. Scheduling hinders procrastination. If we know we have an assignment due on Wednesday, we know research should begin Friday and a rough draft should be finished by Monday. Turning work in on time is important. This is another important lesson in today's world. Our best work can't be done through putting it off until the last minute.
4. Through scheduling their afternoons, children will know what to expect. So many times things get thrown into our schedules. And kids are dealing with getting bullied at school, bodily changes going on, who's the next big thing and will I pass my test tomorrow? They need a place they can come to for rest and reassurance. Having a schedule in the afternoons, rather than just running all over the place, allows them that time peace and rest in their day.
5. It keeps them healthy. Children need up to 10 hours of sleep a night in order to maintain their health. Having a bath time routine, bedtime routine and assisting them in getting that sleep will make a world of difference in their health, attitudes, and behaviors.
These are just a few reasons why scheduling a child's day is important. Feel free to add to my list via the comments section below! I'd be happy to hear your thoughts!

~ Monday Musings ~

Is structure good for children? Yes. Do video games effect children's behaviors? Yes.
This morning has been such a joy in our home. After sleeping in late (in an attempt to sleep off a pending migraine), I awoke to my children getting along nicely. For about 30 minutes.

The argument started with Lego men. Unfair play was the debate. Six Lego men to two. The odds seem a bit one-sided. And one didn't want to share...

The following is frequently repeated in our home, yet the children don't seem to get it (yet): Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's the Golden Rule. If people would only get hold of what that means and run with it, the world would be a better place. Unless, of course, people really like being yelled at, called names, shot at, unforgiven or whatever else runs rampant in our fallen world.

The argument then moved to the Wii, where Lego Star Wars starred as the game of choice today. First they argued over codes. Next, they argued over shooting each other instead of the enemies. When the Wii was removed from the living room as a result of their consistent bickering, all heck broke loose. One child ran to his room, bawling about how much he hates it here. (That's his normal expression when he gets upset. It's at the fault of where we live, not his own refusal to share or play fairly.) The second child takes attitude and fights everyone else in the house, antagonizing his sister, in particular. Neither relents until they've gotten "it" out of their system. 

Once again, I am reminded it's time to pray. With them. It's become quite evident to me structure in the home is a good thing. Allowing kids to run wild or do what they please for as long as they will never produces the result I desire. It ends in strife and conflict. Not peace. 
 It's also become quite apparent that video games are not always the best entertainment for my boys. Hand/Eye coordination and problem solving skills can be learned as they battle through a screen. However, the violence (even in Lego games) of consistently battling transitions from the television screen to the boys themselves after awhile. I see no issue with limiting the time spent playing video games. Boys need to be kicked out of the house into some healthy competition in the back yard. Cowboys and Indians. Freeze Tag. Football. Something challenging yet harmless in play (with the exception of an occasional bruise or broken bone, of course). Something feeding their imaginations, not "rotting their brains."

After praying, the kids are sitting quietly watching a movie (it's looking like rain today - no outdoors available). Their attitudes have pacified to pleasurable silence. Gus and Jack are entertaining for now. And mom can finally finish this blog post...

~ Catching Up ~

Forgive me for not posting at the end of last week and the beginning of this week; our family went on vacation. For the first time in several years.
It was a short vacation, only four days. Two of those were filled with travel. However, traveling along the Blue Ridge Parkway for an afternoon feels like vacation to me. Except when I look over the edge as my husband winds up the steep mountain road. Then it feels like I might fall off the edge while my knuckles turn white from gripping the handle on my Yukon's door. (Like that will really help if we do cascade over the edge of the mountain.) 

So, on Monday I was musing about the glory of God and how He is evident in all of creation. His beauty can be seen in the fall foliage (insert photo here...blogger is updating something and photo uploading is down for the moment). His joy can be found in a child's smile or their innocent laughter. His love can be seen in the eyes of one's spouse. His Truth is all around us. It's simply up to us to open our eyes, hearts and ears to it.

On Tuesday I was considering tips for camping with kids. Bring extra blankets during cooler months. Indoor swimming pools are a great way to wear them out at the end of a day. Have a steady supply of tissues, band aids and simple snacks that are easy to grab and go (like Pop Tarts, fresh fruit, fruit snacks, crackers, etc.). Let Dad give them a cup of coffee in the morning, if he wishes. Watch them smile as they feel like one of the grown ups, drinking it down. Enjoy every moment without wishing you were back home with private bath rooms and a washer and dryer at your disposal. If someone spills something on your bed cover at 9:00PM, don't fret. It's not the end of the world as we know it...

And for wisdom on Wednesday? "O Lord, how manifold are Your works! In wisdom You have made them all. The earth is full of Your possessions -" (Psalm 104:24) Like I said before, God's evidence is everywhere. His earth is full of His possessions. Autumn is a great time to view them! 

Enjoy!

~ Family Friday ~

Is It Spiritual or Just Bad Behavior?

As I was discussing children, things of the Lord and the issues of life with a friend, I began to see some things concerning my kids from a different perspective. I stopped looking at their behaviors in the natural and began to discern certain aspects in the spiritual.

The next evening, I sat in an uncomfortable chair with a seat of gold, listening to another woman share from the Parable of the Lost Coin. Her main point became the need for spiritual housecleaning in order to find that precious thing we've lost. Again, I received a new perspective concerning my children and their behaviors and attitudes. 

Between the two, God revealed that the issues I've been dealing with, rebellion, incesant whining and a lack of joy, are not physical or earthly issues. They are spiritual issues hanging over and onto my children. 

I had always wondered why disciplinary actions were not working with my children, no matter how consistent I was. I could put my children in time out, remove priviledges, ground them or even take them to the woodshed (no, I'm not abusive). When none of these techniques worked to stop the behaviors or change the attitudes, I would become frustrated and discouraged as a mother trying to raise children of good character who enjoy life and know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." (Ephesians 12-13) After receiving the Lord's promptings that weekend I realized I was fighting a spiritual battle, not one with my children. Where I was attempting to discipline in the natural, I needed to begin to battle in the spiritual.

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) It's time to go to battle in prayer. My war is not with my children. My war is with the things that would try to keep my children from the knowledge of God. My war is with the spiritual attitudes that come against all that I pour into them throughout the day and during their nightly prayers. 

I have pulled my copy of Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Parent off the shelf. Since she has chapters concering joy, listening to the truth vs. the lies, rebellion vs. obedience and more, I am able to get very specific in my prayers concerning my individual children. I continue to pour the Word into them when I speak with them concerning their attitudes. I have realized physical discipline isn't what is needed when dealing with attitude and emotion. No. My answer is prayer.

I am thankful for this revelation. I have hope where despair tried to creep in. I have peace where frustration reigned. And my kids have a new mother who understands her authority in the role of parenting. It's through the victory that Jesus provided on the cross.

~ Thursday Ten ~

Ten Parenting/Marriage Books I Keep On My Shelf At All Times

(To see more on each book, click the title/author line for a link.)

1. Love and Respect - Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

This book is extremely valuable in understanding how to communicate what your spouse needs. (Men need respect. Women need love.) I would recommend giving this book as a wedding gift to every couple getting married. It's that good.

2. Boundaries (In Marriage) (With Kids) - Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

Boundaries are extremely important to understand. A boundary is where you end and another person begins. If people don't understand boundaries, they feel free to walk all over whoever they wish. They don't necessarily realize that they are stepping on someone else's toes. It's very important to teach children boundaries when they are young so that they can be considerate and mature adults. There is also a general Boundaries book for individuals.

3. The Five Love Languages - Gary Chapman

Mr. Chapman has also written The Five Love Languages of Children and The Five Love Languages of Teenagers. My husband and I used this book in our home group (cell group) one year. It got everyone's attention and encouraged some really great discussions. The book focuses on how we receive love and affection and how we tend to give love and affection. Since everyone has their own way of receiving love, it's important to know how to speak their love language. You can try to speak your own to them but don't be surprised when they don't receive it as you'd have liked.

4. Wild Things the art of nurturing boys - Stephen James and David Thomas

This is a must-have if you are a mom trying to raise boys. I've gotten more out of this book when it comes to why my boys behave the way they do than any other book on raising boys I've ever read. It is a wealth of information ranging from their physical make-up to child development to everyday stories of boys being boys. HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.

5. Bringing Up Boys/Bringing Up Girls - Dr. James Dobson

Dr. Dobson is still one of my favorite parenting "experts" to turn to when raising my children. I think next week I'll post the Ten Books on Parenting/Marriage I Wish I Had on My Shelf... There are a few he's authored that I still desire to obtain for my collection. I enjoyed reading Bringing Up Boys and Bringing Up Girls is at the top of my list of next books to buy (since it recently released...).

6. Shepherding a Child's Heart - Tedd Tripp

I wish I'd found this book earlier. It is a great resource for figuring out exactly what a child's heart needs vs. typical parenting and discipline strategies. I can tell you this: I need to read it again. And probably again after that. It's that good. And I need a few reminders...

7. Personality Plus for Parents - Florence Littauer

I was extremely grateful when a friend of mine, who's finishing up her counseling degree, told me about this book. I'd had Personality Plus on my shelves since before I was married. Personality Plus for Parents gave me a better understanding of my sons' and my daughter's personalities and how they affect what goes on in our home and our relationships. There are pointers with each personality type that will assist parents with applying the kids' strengths and helping them to overcome their weaknesses.

8. The Smart Stepmom - Ron L. Deal and Laura Petherbridge

I wish this book had been written ten years ago!!! I have already helped raise my step-son and we've sent him on to college. The content in this book is most of what I felt and dealt with on a daily basis for the ten years that I was in the position of step-mom in my home. I'd received a generous amount of council and advice from people who never experienced being a step-mom and not all of it was as wise as others thought. This book reinforced a lot of what I attempted to work through. I am grateful for it now and wish I'd had it then! If you are a mother or a father who has a wife or husband who is in a step-parenting role, this is a MUST READ for you, too! Spouses desperately need to come to an understanding of these roles in their households. No one can do it alone. (The authors have also written The Smart Stepfamily and, coming soon, The Smart Stepdad.) 

9. In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms - Dr. Laura Schlessinger

We made the decision before our first son was born that I would stay home and raise our family. At the time, we were both in agreement on this matter. Since that glorious day that I was able to leave the career world behind and begin my life as "Mom", we've had our moments of wondering if it was such a good idea. I have never wavered in my desire to be home with and for my kids. My husband has had occasional moments of wanting more income in our household budget. Sometimes I'd like to share this book with him. But for the most part, it's been a great journey in life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Any stay-at-home mom should read this book. It's encouraging to know that we are not alone! 

10. Okay, so I ran out...but what book is the most important book on marriage and parenting of all?  The Bible... My bookshelf will never be without it.