Thoughtful Words - Spousal Words

There have been times in my marriage when Victor has said something to me, and I've wanted to give him a fat lip. His intentions were to encourage me to change my ways, but his method fell short of its result.

Have you ever noticed that the ones we love the most tend to be the ones who hurt us the most? Why is that?

My husband irritates once in awhile. I weary of picking up his dirty socks, washing his dishes every day, listening to the drone of his video game theme song, and hearing him talk loudly yell during a regular conversation.

I know he wearies of my imperfections too. My muttering loud enough for everyone to hear how frustrating it is to have to repeat myself twenty times and still find "people" not doing what I've requested. My looming deadlines and the need to work after hours, rather than scratch his head. My consistent requests for him to keep the kids and the dog out of my space so I can finish a project. 

We both have our imperfections. We come with plenty of baggage and a few faults. We both have logs in our eyes.

We tend to see one another as common, rather than remember we are sons and daughters of the King of Kings.

Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified a common thing, and insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. And again, “The Lord will judge His people.” It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. - Hebrews 10:29-31

We and our spouses have been sanctified by the blood of Jesus. We have a covenant relationship with God. How can we treat our spouses as some commoner, when he or she is a child of God? In doing so, we insult the Spirit of grace. And we fall into the hands of the living God.

I know I've become the unjust judge of my husband on more than one occasion, and I know he's done the same to me. I know I've jumped to conclusions, rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt. I know he's done the same to me. The Lord says that vengeance is His. Not ours. He is the One who will judge our spouses according to what they have done and said and us according to what we've done and said.

How do we overcome our spouse's hurtful words and our temptation to continue in our judgmental attitudes?

Remember: Jesus is the only One who can change our spouse. We can beg and plead and try to love them into being someone else, but God holds the power to change their hearts. It's better to focus on our own faults and allow God to change us. It's selfish to think our spouse needs to change and we don't. Avoid selfishness. Let God work on your heart first. Let Him deal with your spouse.

We all know where our faults lie. Only Jesus knows the intent of our heart better than we do. Despite what we may think, we don't know the intents of our spouse's hearts. We don't know what drives them to do the things they do or say the things they say. Rather than assuming we do, we should ask them. Quit accusing one another. Start supporting one another.

Rather than pointing our the negative things in each others' lives, point out the positive things. Instead of tearing one another down, build each other up. 

We need Jesus to be the center of our marriage. When we focus on Him, we can see our spouse through His eyes. In doing so, we see the positive far outweighs the negative. For that we can be thankful. And that thankfulness will be reflected in the words we say to our husband or wife. 

Let your words bring life to your spouse. Stop killing them with your words. 

Photo of Far From Love Courtesy of  Enver Uçarer
Photo of Kiss Courtesy of Mike Lawrey

Making It Work

"And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' 

and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.'" 

~ Matthew 19:4-6                                                                           

My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary yesterday. That's an amazing feat in today's society. With fifty percent of couples divorcing, one wonders how the other fifty percent survive.

Warren and Barbara Johnson married in June of 1971. Shortly after, they moved to Indiana. In 1974, they brought their first daughter into the world. Their world was a small shack, where the roof leaked over their bed. They took baths in a child's plastic swimming pool, and it got so cold at times that the baby's fingers and toes would turn purple. An outhouse served as their bathroom.

Barb reached a point of frustration and begged her father to allow her to move home with the baby. Henry had the wisdom to tell his daughter no. She'd chosen to marry Warren, and where Warren lived would be her home from now on.

Soon, the two moved into a brick house and out of the misery of the shack. Did that make things easier? Not necessarily. Remaining married would take effort on both their parts.

A couple of years later, they moved to Kentucky, where they brought another daughter and a son into their world. Not long after, they returned to New York due to the failing health of Warren's parents.

Life comes with ups and downs, heartaches and joys, troubles and prosperity. Warren took out-of-town jobs to bring finances to the household. Sometimes it proved easier to work away from home. Things weren't always "happily ever after." Through it all, they remained faithful and married.

Because marriage takes work. It takes effort. Vic and I have had our ups and downs, heartaches and joys, fights and peace, troubles and prosperity. Just as Mom and Dad could have allowed their own desires to separate them, Vic and I could have, too. But God's word says that when a man leaves his father and mother, joins himself to his wife, and they become one flesh, no man is to put that asunder. Not the husband. Not the wife. Not the in-laws. Not the divorce court. Because God designed marriage as a covenant, not a contract. It didn't come with conditions. It didn't come with provisions for failures. No. It is a binding covenant til death do us part.

Join me tomorrow for Part Two...

Photo is of Warren and Barbara Johnson on their wedding day, June 20, 1971.