Revisiting ~ Proverbs 12 ~ The Good Wife

Photo Copyright 1998 Debbie Burchard

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."

~ Proverbs 12:4

In case you couldn't tell, my heart beats for marriages. Good, strong, Christian marriages. Can a couple who doesn't hold Jesus at the center of their relationship still have a good marriage? Sure. There's just something incredible and amazing about a marriage with Christ at the center of it...

In this Proverb, we hear about an excellent wife and a not-so-excellent wife. Let me paint a picture of both for you: 

The excellent wife turns to the Lord every day. She reads the Bible, spends time in prayer, fellowships with God. Because she needs to. She loves her Lord and can't ever get enough of Him. She loves her family. She serves her husband, assists him with daily life and gives herself for him, submitting to his authority in their home. She takes care of her children, trains them up in the way they should go. She manages their home. She serves in her local church. She knows how to say "no" so her schedule doesn't take the place of family time. Her husband's heart safely trusts her (see Proverbs 31), and he knows she loves Jesus first, which allows her to love him in a more complete way. She's the good wife. 

The other wife puts herself before all others. Even the Lord. She doesn't have a strong relationship with Jesus, if she has one at all. She doesn't seek godly counsel. She seeks her own will. She never agrees with her husband; she consistently struggles against him. Her home is not filled with peace; it is filled with strife. Her children reflect her behaviors. Her husband is embarrassed by her. He puts a wall up, trying to distance himself from her. He no longer wishes to know the love of his youth. He wants to get away. She is destroying his life, making him miserable. He begins to despise her. She is rottenness to his bones. His health as a husband fades rapidly. She has become like a cancer to him. Eating at him from the inside out. She is not the good wife. She is evil.

The Word of God says that we know people according to their fruit. Good fruit is good fruit. Bad fruit is bad fruit. You don't get good fruit from a bad tree. Even children are known by their deeds, what they do is either wrong or right. There is no "little bit of evil in good" or "little bit of good in evil." We are all sinners. None of us is perfect or good. Not one.

But the blood of Jesus...it covers all sin. When we accept Christ into our hearts and our lives, we have a chance of righteousness. We need to allow Him into our marriages, too. A three-stranded chord (Jesus, My Husband, Me) is not easily broken. When Jesus is in the center of our marital relationship, we cannot be easily torn apart.

But when we leave Jesus out of the equation, we lose the opportunity to keep our marital bond tight. The enemy stands, waiting for any opportunity to destroy God's covenant relationship between a man and a woman. And he will succeed, if we refuse to turn to Jesus. 

I've watched many marriages fall apart. The statistics are staggeringly similar between Christian marriages and non-Christian marriages. Both have almost the same divorce rate. What kind of glory does that give God? Not much. It testifies to human failure and a refusal to stand for God's divine plan. 

I don't say this to put down anyone who's a Christian and has been through divorce. I say this to encourage you to consider your marriage. Or your next marriage. Make sure you are marrying the one prince God has in store for you. Make sure you include Jesus in your marriage. You stand a better chance of making it last when you do. 

And remember...healthy marriages take work. Just like we need to eat healthy foods, exercise, get enough rest and get out in the sunlight, our marriages need work as well. Prayer, communication, financial stability, loyalty, and much, much more build strong marriages. Neglecting marriage, like neglecting one's health, sets it up for death.

What does your marriage look like? Is it time to pump Jesus vitamins in to attack the bad vibes? Or is your marriage a healthy three-stranded chord?