Monday, January 31, 2011

Wrestling With God

These past few months, I've found myself wrestling within. Wrestling over why I felt like I needed a break from serving when I know I'm called to serve. Wrestling over why I wanted to hide myself away for a season when I know I'm called into fellowship. Wrestling over why I feel the deep need to tell my story as a memoir, yet I fear exposing people I've long forgiven in order to tell it with deeper meaning. Wrestling over how often I raise my voice to my children when I know that the wrath of man doesn't produce the righteousness of God in them.

Hey, I'm just being honest here...

While considering these things, God reminded me of someone else who wrestled. Like me, this man wanted the righteousness of God in his life, as well as the blessing that comes with being the child of God.

Jacob. He wrestled with the Angel of God. 

"Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day.
Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob's hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. 
And He said, 'Let Me go, for the day breaks.' But he said, 'I will not let You go unless You bless me!'" (Genesis 32:24-26)

Jacob wanted God's blessing enough that he wrestled with Him until the Lord promised His blessing. God had to knock his hip out of joint in order to prevail against Jacob. 

Sometimes I find that God has to knock something out of joint in my life in order to prevail over my will and allow His blessing to pour forth. 

"Mom, you're yelling again. I don't feel loved when you yell at me like that." (God promised me through a prophetic word that this child would keep me in line, even before he was born.)

"Sometimes you need a break, and I order your steps." (The Lord brings a peaceful stillness when I wanted to keep moving forward. The rest proved to be sweet, once I accepted His will over my own.)

"You need to stop being Martha and choose the better part. Take a break from serving others and worrying about the cares of this world. Sit at My feet awhile. Drink from My cup." (I needed to spend time with the Lord more than anyone else.)

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death." (Rev. 12:11) (Sometimes I need to remember that it's the word of my testimony that has the potential to set someone else free from their bondage. Between my words and Jesus' blood, there is freedom for women who can relate to my testimony. So long as it points to the glory of God, I need to tell it. As accurately as I can and without worry about how others will respond. "Love covers a multitude of sins." I know. I'm forgiven, and I have forgiven. Hopefully the people who were and still are a part of my life will understand that I hold nothing against them.)

I have to get myself out of God's way. I have to hold on tight to Him and never let Him go. Then, I'll see His full blessings pouring forth in my life.

Have you ever walked with a limp after wrestling with God? Did your blessing follow?


  1. To make a long story short, yes & it was a tag-team match. My fiance at the time & I both heard God's word during alter call at a Christian retreat 'Do Not Get Married'. We were amazed that we were both given the same message at the same time. Did we listen? No. I wrestled with God for months but married him anyway. Was married within the year and divorced within 2. Did I receive a blessing for not only ignoring Him but now divorced? No. Blessing for repentance? Yes! He blessed me with the gift of not only my current husband but with an emotion-filled memory of what life can look like when we choose to ignore Him. The wrestling match may have been 2 on 1 but God definitely won!

  2. Kate, thank you so much for sharing your story with us! It's always amazed me what I get myself into if I don't stop to heed the voice of God. And the blessings that come when I do listen and obey His call...they blow my mind! What's great is that God is into restoration and second chances. I love that about Him.


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