Above all else, Hannah desired to have a son. She cried out to God from her barrenness, "O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him up to the Lord all the days of his life..."(1 Samuel 1:11). What always catches my eye about her story is that she promised to give her son to God. At first, it appears an easy decision. I always wondered how Hannah felt after she'd taken Samuel to the temple to release him into God's care.
And now I know.
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| Ezra is as tall as me now... |
Last week, we left home and traveled through seven states to our hometown. Friends and family greeted us, and we prepared for my sister-in-law's wedding. In the meantime, we met with our spiritual mother and father. Upon seeking their counsel, we made a seemingly easy decision. We would leave our eldest son with close family friends, who would see him through middle school and puberty. He would be able to attend the Christian academy he began his school career in, with the friends he'd known since birth.
At first, it appeared to be an easy decision. Three days later, my mama heart hurts with longing for my firstborn. But God...
My heart has peace. I know these things to be true:
1. God has a plan for my son. It's one of growth and a deepening relationship with Jesus. He will be immersed in the things of the Lord as he attends the Christian academy and learns from Bible-based curriculum. He will attend a youth group that is very active and dynamic. He will attend multiple Christian concerts, conferences, and other events. He will know Jesus on a much deeper personal level than he would attending a public school here.
2. God will show him who he truly is. His self-esteem will increase, and he will return with a confidence I've watched him fight to hold onto. The people surrounding him love him. Just as much as his father and I do. They are encouraging. They are supportive. They are complimentary. They will not tear him down, lie about him, or call him names he doesn't deserve. They will love on him in our stead.
3. He belongs to the Lord. Before we ever dreamed of having a child, God knew him. He knitted and formed him in my womb. He is God's child before he is mine. Although it is difficult for my heart to release him to God's care, I trust God with him more than I trust myself with him. God knows exactly what my son needs, and I have to allow Him to meet that need, even if it means loaning him to the care of others for a season of his life.
My mother's heart is struggling to let go, but I have an incredible peace. I cry many tears, but I know God holds them in a bottle, just as He holds my son in His care. And, I pray that anyone having to make such a difficult but best decision would be able to see God's plan and purpose in it, finding that knowing comfort in their hearts.
