Less Than Everything Under Control

It is good to take account of what's happening in one's heart. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the things of life that we lose sight of what's going on inside of us. We focus on externals and forget internals. Yet God tells us it's from inside of us that life proceeds.

Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life. - Proverbs 4:23

One of the issues I've struggled with for years is control. I confess. I am a control freak. I have been since I was a child. For one, I'm the oldest of three siblings. Bossy girl. For another, my dad is a control freak. His way ruled growing up. Just as he had to pack the car for road trips (and you'd better not get in his way), I too have to pack for trips (because, after all, there's less likely to be a hassle or a mess along the way if I do it). Oh! And don't get in my way, either. Unless you want to be blinded by my glare. Lastly, if I'm in control, then I'm the only one who can screw it up. And I'm great at admitting my own faults, so I don't have to worry about whether or not someone else will take the blame for their mistake.

Yes, I am the most freakiest of control freaks ever.

Which is why I cringed when I got to these sentences in Mary DeMuth's book, Everything. "Could it be that we are guilty of flawless Christian performances? That we've taken up ownership and control of our relationship with Jesus?" (p. 77)

I'm sure you could hear me gasp clear out in California. She pegged it. I'd have to say it's been probably three years since I sat down with God and did a serious weighing of my heart. Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts. (Proverbs 21:2) Sure, I've prayed, fasted, read my Bible, sought the Lord and His will. I certainly haven't neglected our relationship. But I've also become that Christian performer, controlling the relationship. If I'm honest with myself. Truly honest.

Which makes me feel, well, less than. It's humbling to come to a realization that I've been reading less than what God would have me read. I've been praying less than I should be. I've been focusing on Him less than I've focused on outward things. I've done less than I could do for my husband and my kids. I've been less than compassionate. I've been less than zealous. I've been less than humble. Less than.

But Jesus is more so. So much more. Jesus is Everything. And it's time to make Him Everything in my life once again. It's time for me to relinquish control and allow God to take me on a journey down unfamiliar roads. My heart longs for a new adventure. One only God can lead me on. One I need to follow Him on, rather than lead another.

Have you ever been in a place like this? One where you suddenly discovered such a truth about yourself and an even bigger one about the Lord? How did it make you feel? What did you decide you needed most? 

Graphic courtesy of Microsoft.com

"It's Time for a Change."

Photo Courtesy of Serdar Burak

Have you ever uttered those words to yourself?

Uttering them is one thing. Acting upon them is a whole 'nother ballgame.

For several months, I've been looking at my expanding waistline, saying, "It's time for a change."

But by the end of the day, I was hitting the cookie box again. Because "just one more" couldn't hurt, could it?

By the end of the month, I found myself squee-eezing into the jeans I'd only purchased a couple of months before, which were a size larger than the ones I'd worn last summer.

"It's time for a change." That voice in my head went off again, and I hit the snooze button for another month. And I ate a few more cookies. Had another mocha. Visited the fast food restaurant (because, after all, I was in a hurry that day).

But not in a hurry to change...

Now it's six months later. My jeans are still tight. They even rub my belly button by the end of the day. My waist line is sagging (as well as other parts). And I jiggle when I do anything remotely active. Not appealing to me. Not pleasing to God.

How do I know it's not pleasing to God? Because it's His still small voice I've been hitting the snooze button on. What's He been saying? Here are some examples:

You don't want to put on so much weight you won't be able to get it back off.

You need to start now, if you want to be healthy when you're older.

You won't get through mid-life with much energy eating the way you do now.

Your body is my temple; you really should take better care of it.

Which made me stop and think:

If my body is His temple (because His Holy Spirit dwells within me), and I'm treating it like I am (not taking very good care of it), what does that reflect about other areas of my life? Have I let go of other things, too? How is my spiritual life? How about my marriage, my relationship with my kids, my home, my career? Have I gotten lazy about them, too?

I decided it is time to make that change. And I put action behind that thought.

This week, I've started juice fasting. I'm taking part in a 15 Day Weight Loss Program through Birchcreek Retreat. I'm supposed to lose 15 pounds in 15 days. Between yesterday and today, I've already lost three pounds.

I'm also exercising. I do cardio exercise for thirty minutes a day for fifteen days.

What about after fifteen days is up? I will continue to eat healthier and avoid the sweets that I've been addicted to. (I'll eat them in moderation, such as once a week in small amounts.) I will continue to exercise at least three times per week. I will continue to honor the Lord by honoring the earth suit he gave me and pray that I live to see it wrinkle with age, rather than fat.

What about you? Is there something in your life God's been whispering about? Do you keep hitting that snooze button? Here's some spiritual food for thought:

"I went by the field of the lazy man,
 And by the vineyard of the man devoid of understanding;
 And there it was, all overgrown with thorns;
 Its surface was covered with nettles;
 Its stone wall was broken down.
 When I saw it, I considered it well;
 I looked on it and received instruction:
 A little sleep, a little slumber,
 A little folding of the hands to rest;
 So shall your poverty come like a prowler,
 And your need like an armed man."
 ~Proverbs 24:30-34 

From the Inside Out 2

Yesterday we talked about straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel. Today, I'd like to discuss cleaning up the garbage heap in our lives.

In Matthew 23:25-28, Jesus addresses another of the scribes' and Pharisees' issues: outward glory and inner filth. The Pharisees felt it important to look good in the eyes of others. Meanwhile, their insides flowed with corruption.

My mother-in-law passed away in 2001. She died after a six-month battle with Leukemia, a nasty blood disease. Just like any cancer, it began as a small, corrupt cell. It wasn't detectable at first. Like that gnat we mentioned yesterday. Like the gnat, it became pesky. It grew to what appeared to be a common cold. A small ailment. A cough. Runny nose. And for a short while, it was ignored. Which gave it time to manifest into something larger. Something more dangerous. It became a life-eating cancer. It progressed with fervency. It took over what once was a healthy body.

So often, we like to pretend that everything is okay. Our lives are full of joy, and we love the Lord. We put on a mask. We cover up our sin like we cover up the zits on our face. Minor imperfections go untreated. No one will notice. 

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel -" 1 Peter 3:3  

Then we find ourselves in the midst of ministry. And while we preach one thing, we live another, praying God will continue to cover those imperfections. Maybe no one will notice our little mess. But life goes on, and that little mess has grown into a pile.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance..." 1 Samuel 16:7

Until one day, someone says something that sets off our ticking time bomb, and we explode. As if we didn't know the day was coming. We stand embarrassed, wishing we'd held our tongue. Now we find ourselves exposed. The pile became a heap, which is now scattered all over the place, as we've touched others' lives with our filth. Clean up will be difficult. 

"But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death." James 1:14-15 

Jesus addressed the scribes and the Pharisees regarding their inner mess. He says the following: 

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence." Matthew 23:25

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness.

Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." Matthew 23:27-28

Do we, as Christian women, leaders, mothers, wives, daughters of the King, regularly seek to clean the inside of our cups before offering a taste of our ministry to those around us? Do we look clean, pulled together, and inviting on the outside while we carry filth on the inside? Or do we clean our hearts before the King of Kings so that when we pour out a drink offering our flavor is sweet instead of bitter to those who will taste of it? 

Just something I've been considering in my own life as my husband and I prepare for another step forward in our calling. Is my cup clean? Is my heart right before the Lord? Are my motives His glory or my own? Am I practicing what I preach?

God continues the previous verses with these words of instruction/reminder:

"Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also." Matthew 23:26

Remember: Sin and disease start inward and work their way out, eventually corrupting the outward appearance, as well. It will become evident if we don't repent and ask Jesus to cover it in His healing blood.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." 1 Peter 3:4

Remember: It's our heart that is important to God, not what our outward appearance portrays.

"For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

What does God see in you today that He can use for His glory?

Image courtesy of Billy Alexander