Moving Forward...

After spending the last month in fervent prayer and continually committing my works to the Lord, thoughts have been established. These are good thoughts. These are thoughts that, if obeyed and diligently applied to my daily life, should bear a tree full of fruit that will be ripe for the picking.

God has made it very clear to me that He has a plan and a purpose for my life. A few years ago, I was enjoying a women's meeting at our home church, and near the end, I was touched in a way that I have never been touched before by God. I fell under the anointing of the Holy Spirit and ended up bent over my knees as I sat in the pew. No matter how hard I tried, I could not sit back up. It's as if God had pinned me down and was unwilling to let me go until He'd shown me everything that He wanted to.

In that hour, I saw vision after vision after vision flash before my closed eyes. It was like I had a high definition movie screen on my heavy lids. I watched in awe as the Lord came to me as a Prince, took hold of my hand and crowned my head. I knew I was in love. I watched, then, as we turned to walk down the stairs, and the vision shifted to a battlefield...I watched as He defended my life against the enemy. My shield of faith was raised before me as we walked between rows of enemies all lined up and waiting to attack. The shield turned into Jesus, Himself. His glory went before me, and my path was clear. The enemies still surrounded me; they still tried to attack, but there was a wall between Us and them...they were forbidden. They were unable. I was safe. It was as if waves of glory passed over me as I listened to the Lord's words flow through my being.

There are a few moments in my life that I can recall when the Lord spoke in a clear, audible or visual voice. That moment was one of them. I had vision for a future and a hope, and I knew deep within that it was not cut off.

I loved to write as a child. I started crafting poems when I was a pre-teen, and I carried that through my young adulthood. I loved to read, and it was every day that you could find me in my bedroom, curled up with a new read, plugged into my walkman so that no one would interrupt as I devoured the pages and illustrations painted by words. It was an escape for me. I was not the most popular girl in town, and it brought me great peace to be able to spend time in another land, far, far away. It was out of these childhood loves that my passion for the written word sprang forth.

I attended college fresh out of high school. I spent thousands of dollars and a lot of time pursuing the dream of being a published, successful writer. I had hoped to work for one of the magazines that I loved to read as a young adult. However, just as the enemy loves to operate, that dream was stolen away, and I began to wrap myself in a blanket of worldly passion. But God...

God had other plans for my life. Ones that I didn't know about yet. After finding myself in the darkest pit I'd ever been in, with no way to climb out on my own, I looked up and found out who Jesus really is. He is my Help in time of need. He is my Comforter, who will hide me under the shadow of His wing. He is my Savior, the only One who has the power to take my ashes and turn them into something beautiful. He is my Creator, whose image and likeness I am formed in.

Even though I never finalized that degree, God did renew that dream of a lifelong career in writing. I have kept journal after journal over the years that I have walked with God. They tell the stories of my heart. They keep scriptures and notes on what God has revealed through those verses. They have visions drawn out. They have prophetic words tucked into them that I return to frequently, as I receive them gratefully. There are fervent prayers, questions, attempts at understanding life, and much more throughout those books. And recently, I found myself crying out to God for a vision.

I guess you could say I hit mid-life crisis. I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past ten years. I have found great joy in that. However, I have also had my sorrows. I have certainly felt moments of utter inadequacy, as well as moments where I could wear a Supermom cape, if I had one. I know that I love to create things. Whether they are photographs that I take on my camera, scrapbook pages to capture life's moments and joys throughout generations, or simple paper crafts, I love to create. I still love to write. But, where does that leave me? I questioned God about the debt that I owe, the lack of a piece of paper (called a degree) to show that I know anything about the publishing field, and the fact that I need to be working toward paying that loan off. Am I supposed to take a full time job? Am I supposed to stay home and work and be here for my children? A full time job seems like the obvious answer to the debt question, but is that people speaking, or is it God's will for me? I needed the answer, and I needed it now!

One afternoon, as I was talking out loud about what was going on (that seems to be an easier way of thinking and processing for me, so no, I'm not weird), I was stopped. I had to shut my mouth and listen. The audible voice of God was back to tell me more of what He saw my life to be. "Don't take a full time job. Start writing."

Now, to me that sounds a little foolish, but I am just a human with a sinful nature. What do I know? I am not full of great wisdom, and my plan for my life has not always gone accordingly. No. This is where my faith stands up tall and says, "I will trust God's plan for my life and lay it all down at His feet." I will commit my work to the Lord and allow my thoughts to be established by Him. I will study. I will write. I will be diligent and learn self-control. (I will stop playing on facebook and start focusing on my book.) I will continue to journal, continue to blog, and continue to write. God has a call on my life, and it is time that I answered. I was made for such a time as this. It is the season to write now.

And so begins my journey...I invite you to come along...