Friday, June 24, 2011

Banishing the Ugly Word - Part 2

I'm sorry. This was scheduled to post on Friday, and once again, my scheduled post turned into a draft without my knowing it. So, Part 2 on Sunday...

Yesterday I posted five of the ten common reasons people get divorced. We are discussing the issues that lead to the use of the ugly "D" word and what God's word says about it. Today, the second five reasons people file for divorce:

6. Religious Differences: God is very clear in His word on this one. He says:
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?
And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the Living God."
~ 2 Corinthians 6:14-16

As a Christian single, yoking one's self to an unbeliever is unwise. I could list several issues that will arise from this unequal bond. The main point is that God intends for His children to marry another believer, not someone who cannot relate to Jesus and His precepts.

What happens when one is already married before coming to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ? Here is what Paul says about that:
"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. And a husband is not to depart from his wife.
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, and she is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace."
~ 1 Corinthians 7:10-15

7. Child Rearing: Really? This is a cause for divorce? In the cases of neglect, abandonment, or abuse, there should certainly be intervention. But in daily disagreements over simple issues such as disciplinary measures, schooling, whether mom should stay at home, etc., it is not grounds for divorce. It is time to sit down and discuss the differences of opinion. It is time to come to an agreement, even if it's taking the middle ground. Children are affected by divorce more than they would be if parents would come into an agreement with one another for their well-being.

8. Addictions: Granted it is difficult to live with an addict. Especially if the addict is causing financial distress or has become abusive of the people around them. However, addictions can be overcome with intervention and a willingness to change. Jesus is healer of all. In Him, we can overcome anything. In Christ, we can find freedom. A period of separation may be necessary, but divorce doesn't have to be the couple's final answer. 
"For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith.
Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?"
~ 1 John 5:4-5

9. Different Priorities or Expectations: Whether it is a career path, who does what household chores, child-rearing, or where to live, differences can certainly cause strife in a home. These things are things to be discussed and sorted out. They aren't a reason to go to the courthouse or seek a lawyer. I don't always agree with my husband. But we can come to a middle ground and move forward in our life together.
I think this is probably a main cause of divorce in remarriages. It's not easy blending two families to create one big happy family. The husband has raised his children a particular way, while the wife has raised hers a particular way. When they are faced with combining their particular ways to make one way, it becomes grounds for battle. Eventually they tire from warring against one another and decide it may be easier to call it quits. 
Calling it quits because we have differences is a sign of laziness or selfishness or unwillingness to bend. It could be a combination of the three. Whatever it is, it isn't grounds for a divorce in God's eyes. He never promised us things would be easy. Since Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden, He said we'd have to work hard in this life. What we need to do is put Him in our midst and learn to put one another first.

10. Number ten varies from source to source. Some say it's boredom. Some say it's abandonment. Some say it's something completely different. Whatever number ten is in your marriage, let me remind you of my second post this week. There are many things we are called to do for one another as husband and wife. When we get out of the way and put God in our midst, our marriages will thrive. It isn't about me. It isn't about my husband. It's about God. Period. It's about putting His will for our lives as a married couple before our own wills. It's about coming together in unity and realizing that when we are united in Christ, anything is possible and nothing is beyond our reach. 

Join me again on Monday to find out what is possible when we walk in unity in our marriages. 

Photo courtesy of bea29sm


  1. Where does abuse for in? Should one just deal with abuse or stand up and leave? Does one look bad in the eyes of God if they leave for this reason?

  2. I was listening to a woman on the radio just recently, talking of her marriage to an atheist. They were both unsaved before marriage, then she accepted Christ. Thinking her hubby might soon follow, upon his desire to read the Bible, she was shocked when he later told her that he was an atheist. They are still married...through the differences. I thought it was an encouraging story.

  3. Chaz, thank you for your question! I addressed some of it in Pt. One of my posts about Banishing the Ugly can be found here:

    To further the point, if a couple claim to be Christians and have married under that covenant, I would imagine an abuser would have walked away from the Lord if it comes after the marriage. If that were the case, I would imagine the same scripture used for one who is unequally yoked and the non-believer wants to leave would apply.

    I also don't think God would desire for his children to remain under the abuse.

    I hope this answers your question! Thanks for reading!

  4. I found a great article on today. If you are married to an addict, this one's for you:


Thanks for sharing your thoughts here at My Thoughtful Spot! I love hearing them!